So, it's been a minute...

I feel like I always start this blog back up when I need to vent or when I need some kind of release. It's been almost a year since I've blogged and really, not too much has changed, but here are some updates:

School: Well, I finished the first 2 years of medical school. That was a relief. Medical school kind of sucks the life out of you. While not being in classes anymore has been amazing, not being in classes has also been pretty rough. I think I've said before that med school is like high school. You're with the same people, struggling through the same classes, on breaks at the same time, and these are the people that really understand you and get what you're going through. All of these people have moved away. That has been really hard for me this year. I miss my friends and the relationships I had with them.

I'm currently back in the lab and while it's been a good change of pace, it's also slightly overwhelming. Doing research is 100% different than studying for tests in med school. I have to think broader, I have to think critically, I have to problem solve and think outside of the box. I have a lot more responsibility and a lot of work to do that relies solely on me and my mind. It's hard work. The worst part is when I have no motivation to get work done, it really puts me back.

All in all with school, I'm exhausted. I'm ready to be done and I'm in desperate need of a second wind to push through the next few years. Phew... school is blah.

Husband: Sterling got back from Afghanistan at the end of July. It was amazing to have him home again. I didn't really realize what a toll his deployment had taken on me until I felt the relief of him being back. He is currently living in Tennessee and I'd be lying if I said it wasn't hard. I miss my husband all the time. It sounds cliche but he really is my best friend. It can be hard visiting each other for too long because one of us is always busy and the other is on "vacation." I'd like to be able to say that we will be able to live together soon, but really we are looking at AT LEAST 2 more years of living apart. I'm just ready to have a home with my husband and not be in school. I will never take that for granted.

I've been pretty whiny up until now. So here is some good news...

I'm now living with my brother, my cousin and her boyfriend and it's such a welcome change from feeling alone all the time like in my old house. They are fun and although they can be somewhat annoying (;)) at times, I love them and I am so glad that we will all be living here again next year.

I've started working out more consistently and I belong to a crossfit box which has been a different kind of family/support. I love the people that I work out with and they are constantly trying to push me to be better. I'm just now getting back into the workout groove after being completely gross over the holidays and so I'm not ripped yet... but just wait, I will be! This last weekend I also tried out hot yoga for the first time... um AMAZING. I made a boo-boo and went to an hour and a half long class for my first time which may have been a bit much, but I've felt great since and I'm excited to do it again. I feel like it's really going to help out with my mobility and my core strength which will only help with crossfit.

I'm still a leader in our middle school ministry, Chaos and I love every minute of it. Those girls (and boys) are awesome and I always am learning from them. Being a leader has also really pushed me to become a "better Christian" and really just be more accountable for my knowledge of the bible since I am teaching it to them. It's been something that has really been helping me stay sane through these tough winter months. Winter is always hard for me and this one seems to be harder than normal so I'm thankful for the motivation and companionship that I get from this group.

I think that is all the typing I've got in me right now, plus I need to get some data analyzed before my early bed time...

It feels good to be back to venting on here though.

Community

Lately I've been feeling slightly defeated. I also think the weather has had some influence on my mood (let's be real, how can anyone be awesomely happy when it's super dreary and awful out?). I'll spare you the details, but basically I just feel worn down and... really defeated is the only word I can think of.

Then I got to spend the past weekend with a group of amazing girls. Myself, eleven 12 and 13 year olds, and a high school leader spent the weekend at Timberwolf Lake for a church retreat. At first it was a burden for me to go. I had tickets to go to the annual MOCF ball that was the same weekend and there was an exam the Monday following the retreat. However, I am currently the only female leader in Chaos right now (other than our awesome high school leader, Macy) and so I really needed to make this my priority. Friday evening it was hard to get pumped up because of how darn cold it was, but as a leader it's your job to get the kids excited and to get them hyped for the awesome messages they get to hear. By Friday night, I was already exhausted. We stayed up late giggling about boys, complaining about teachers and parents, and just being goofy. At about 2am when the giggling finally settled and we all were starting to fall asleep, I realized I was right where I needed to be.

Although I have lots of friends at MSUCOM, sometimes I still feel very lonely. Most of my friends there have only met Sterling in passing and very few know much about him, or our relationship. A lot of times I don't want to talk about it because I miss him so much and it's difficult for me to think of how awesome we are together. Spending the weekend with these girls just made me feel so loved. They fought over who was going to stand next to me, they all wanted to be on my bed as we laughed and played "truth or dare." It was just uplifting to see how loved I am by these girls. It was something that I needed at a time when I was feeling defeated and worn down.

Sunday night when we got home, I got that lonely feeling back again. My brother wasn't back from his weekend at home and I had the house to myself. I'm not very good at being alone. Especially since I hadn't talked to Sterling the whole weekend. It was basically just me having a pity party. Thankfully on Monday evening, I got to spend some time with my lifegroup of encouraging ladies who didn't mind when I broke down a bit about the defeatedness I have been feeling. They encouraged me and let me know, once again, that I am loved and supported. It's an awesome feeling to know that.

Community is an awesome thing. We are not islands and we can't always do it alone. Sometimes the community that helps you the most is surprising (...middle school girls?). I am so grateful that in this time of need I have wonderful people surrounding me who can make me feel loved and appreciated for who I am.

This is a rant.

I'm warning you for the second time... this is a rant

This rant is about people believing they deserve the world and then some. This is what our society tells us. I can't count the number of tv commercials that advertise along the lines of "you derserve _____" or "treat yourself to _______ because you earned it."

Am I saying that we shouldn't be rewarded for hard work? No.
Am I saying that people walk around thinking that the world owes them? Yes.

Most recently I am reminded of this behavior at medical school. I apologize if you're one of my classmates and I am describing you, but now you know how I feel about this situation...

MSUCOM does not "owe" us anything but the education that it promised. Yes, we are paying (ahem... you are paying) lot's of money for this education. Does this mean that the professors need to spoon feed us? Does this mean that we shouldn't have two exams on one day? Does this mean that we shouldn't have MANDATORY classes? Especially during the summer!

STOP COMPLAINING. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Med school is hard. Duh.
Yeah, medical school is hard. What were you expecting? It's hard so that it weeds out those people who are not fit to be doctors. I'm sorry if you think that MSUCOM should make things easier on us, but I don't think that. You are not owed this. You earn this.

I truly feel like medical school is a blessing. I'm not going to lie and say I never complain about it... but most of my complaints have to do with not wanting to study, not that I feel like my school is taking advantage of me in anyway. We get the chance to learn and do things that most people don't get to do. We get the chance to have an awesome career that is probably always going to be in demand. You have to work for this. You don't deserve it.

This is my rant. And now I'm done.

Eternal Perspective

I've mentioned before how even though I don't have time to spare, in my spare time I volunteer with a group from my church called Chaos. Chaos is aptly named because it is a group of middle school, or more specifically 7th and 8th grade boys and girls. I am the lifegroup leader of the 8th grade girls and I am continuously learning from them.

I don't know about you, but remembering my middle school years makes me want to cringe. How awkward was that time of life? I remember one time I wore overalls (they were cool... especially with one strap not buckled) and some person came up behind me and gave me this super wedgie. I mean, it's super funny now to think about, but at the time I was so embarrassed! But I feel like that was middle school. Embarrassing.

Now-a-days though, my girls have it rough. I feel like they talk about big life issues that I never would have faced when I was their age. Technology has definitely had a hand in it. It's sometimes hard for me to relate to them, but I just love on them as much as I can because some of them don't see that at school or home as much as they should.

I thought about stepping down this semester since I have so much school to worry about. 23+ credits, electives, board exams coming up, seminars, etc... But I am so glad that I didn't. As I said, I learn so much from these girls and this ministry that to give it up would cause me more stress right now I think. Even though it's chaotic, it's calming.

Lately I haven't been sleeping. I have been tired all day and lacking motivation. Yesterday was one of those days. I had barely studied all day and I just felt no motivation to get anything done. Days like this are detrimental during school because you get so behind. Currently I have about 8 lectures to catch up on and a lot of studying to do. I also have been lacking motivation to work out and all that extra eating I did during the holidays really caught up. So I put on my "fat jeans" (girls, you know what I'm talking about) which now fit just fine, and headed to Chaos last night feeling very defeated. I hadn't studied and I gained weight. Woe is me, let's have a pity party.

In Chaos, we're teaching the kids about the book of Phillipians which is quickly becoming one of my favorite books. In our lifegroups, we were discussing the eternal perspective that Paul has while he's writing this letter... I mean, the guy is in jail and is still super encouraging, loving, and motivated to share his love with his friends in Phillipi. I asked the girls what they thought eternal perspective means, or what it meant to them. They said it beautifully (paraphrasing): Don't worry about this world, it's not where we belong.

Gosh I love those girls for how smart they are.

Don't worry about this world. It is NOT where you belong. What does that even mean (I asked them)? And they replied with typical middle school things "When your parents tick you off...", "When you don't get to do what you want...", "When school is hard..." "...DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT!"

I know I totally did the punctuation wrong up there... not worried about it.

Anyway, I've been so stressed lately. About school, time, sleeping (especially sleeping), and most of the time I worry about my husband as well. I'm pretty good at keeping that worry under control, but when it all adds up, especially with a lack of sleep, I kind of lose it. I feel like being reminded to not worry about this world because this is not where I belong, is a message I needed to hear. I'm not of this world because I am with Christ. I am destined for Heaven and nothing I do here on earth will change that. That's a pretty awesome truth that I often forget, but is so relieving when I remember it.

This isn't to say that I'm going to stop worrying about all the things I've listed above. But hopefully when I do start to worry, I can find peace in knowing I'm not of this world and instead of getting discouraged, be encouraged to move on and deal with whatever is in front of me.

Currents...

You can tell I'm on break and I'm bored because I am posting two days in a row.

Thoughts: I wish I had time to re-read The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings books. I went and saw The Hobbit over break and I'm currently watching The Lord of the Rings and I just want to nerd out and read the books.
Also, I'm super psyched for the last Wheel of Time book to come out. Am I a nerd? Yes.

Blessings: Although I complain about my house, it's really quite homey and I am glad that I have that. It would stink to really hate where you live. I'm also so thankful for my Aunt Ruth, Uncle Greg and cousin Megahn who opened their home up to me for the past couple weeks. There have been a lot of changes at home lately which kept me from bringing Hank to either my parents or Sterling's parents houses and I really didn't have anywhere to stay back at home. They were so good to me and I am so thankful to have family reach out and help me when I needed it.

Struggles: Well. I haven't been great about exercising lately. I think I just kept telling myself that after the holidays I will get back on track (I feel like this happens every year) and now that the holidays are over, I really have no motivation. Except that I promised my husband I'd be in awesome shape when he gets home. And that makes me a little motivated. I just super hate running in the winter. Especially in Lansing where the sidewalks are awful (mine included)

Projects: I really don't have too many going on right now. I'm finishing up THE CUTEST little "monsters" for my niece and I think I am going to make one for my nephew as well.

I also have a few hats and things that I need to finish for family members. I kind of want to make myself some leg warmers as well :)

OH and I got a beautiful new sewing machine for Christmas:

So I am going to play around with that today and see what kind of damage I can do :)

Favorites: My darling puppy of course. And chamomile vanilla tea. And messages from my hubby :)

Desires: For my skin to not be so dry (damn eczema). To get this semester over with and to see my husband sooner!

Hello 2013!

Once again, I find myself starting the blog back up after a long hiatus. Sometimes I think I am too lazy to keep this thing up, but then I always enjoy reading up on my other friends' blogs in order to feel somewhat up to date on their lives. So I'll make it a "resolution" to try harder this time.

Let's recap 2012.
Right after Christmas, my stud husband left for Ft. Benning, GA to start up Ranger School. I stayed in Lansing and worked on school. He graduated from Ranger School in March and up until that point, I mainly just worked on school (I lead a very interesting life). I went down and visited him in March and then we went our separate ways again until the end of the semester in May when he moved from Ft. Benning, GA to Ft. Campbell, KY. I finished my spring semester and was able to stay with him for about a week as he settled in. Oh, and Hank got to see his dad too :).
Moving to TN (right on the border near KY) was the most fabulous part of 2012 for me. Since it was only about a 9 hour drive, I spent a lot of the time in the summer semester driving down to visit my husband. I spent almost an entire month with him in August (though he spent most of that month traveling back and forth to Louisiana for training).
At the end of August, I started back up with school. Turns out that the second year of medical school is MUCH harder than the first year. I also took on a lot more responsibilities this past fall semester.

The classes = Neuromuscular System (5 credits), Gastrointestinal System (5 credits), Reproductive System (4 credits), Growth and Development (3 credits), Endocrine System (2 credits), Behavioral System (3 credits), and Osteopathic Manipulative Medicine (1 credit)

That's a total of 23 credits. Oh, and we also had to take a class where we basically shadowed/helped out in doctors offices for another credit. SO 24 credits last semester.

The electives = Student OMM Clinic (1 credit), SAAO elective (1 credit), TA for first year OMM lab (1 credit)

This year I've really discovered what I have an interest in as a future physician, and as you can see with my elective courses, it's centered around OMM.
For those of you who don't know what OMM is it stands for "Osteopathic Manipulative Medicine" it is also often called OMT (Osteopathic Manipulative Treatment). The simplest way to explain it is to compare it to what chiropractors do. But I think it also has a touch of physical therapy and maybe a slight dab of massage therapy. Basically manipulating your body to fix any dysfunctions whether they be skeletal, muscular, lymphatic, etc...
Along with learning new techniques, I've also been TAing for the first years and while it is quite the time commitment (4 hours every Tuesday afternoon) I really enjoy doing it, and I learn a lot.

Along with classes and electives, I have also started some extracurricular activities. First I do scribes... which is kind of a job (because I get paid for it). Basically just type out what is said in the lecture. It sounds simple but it takes forever. Also, in addition to just working in the student OMM clinic, I am also one of the coordinators... so I work more frequently.

My newest extracurricular though, that I really enjoy AND is the most time consuming is volunteering with a group called Chaos through my church. It's kind of like a bible study/hangout for 7th and 8th graders. It takes up a lot of my time (and energy some days) but I love doing something that ISN'T all about school. I love my 8th grade girls and its fun to hang out with them and teach/learn from them.

Okay, enough about school...

Sterling got to come and visit us here in Michigan for about 2 weeks in October which was awesome. Also hard... This past year has been hard for me to juggle a long distance relationship and school, but I've passed all my classes thus far and really, that's good enough for me!
I went and visited Sterling for almost 2 weeks at the beginning of November (again... school was put on the back burner) and saw him off for his first deployment mid-November. It was a sad day, but I feel like we were both prepared for it and I didn't cry as bad as I thought I would.

Since Sterling has been gone, we have gotten to talk a lot. Almost everyday. He can't really tell me what he's up to over there, but I understand. We have pretty dull conversations as I was either studying, or on break being an absolute bum. A month has already gone by and although I'm going to regret saying this later... deployment isn't as awful as I once thought it would be. It is hard, don't get me wrong, but I'm not sad and crying or depressed or anything like that. In fact I'm pretty normal. I think I'm a lot hardier than I thought I would be. I've barely cried and I've barely gotten upset about it. I am very thankful for being in school to help keep me busy and I am even more thankful for my amazing husband who takes care of me even though he is living in a different country.

In fact, I am pretty positive that I can say Sterling and I have gotten closer since he's joined the army and since he has deployed. I will be so happy the day he comes home to me, but I am also thankful for the trials our marriage has already gone through because I know that we can get through anything. He is awesome, we are awesome.

So how about the future?

This year is my last real year of "book work" type schooling. I finish classes sometime in May and then I am scheduled to take my first step of the board exams on July 1st. This exams covers the first 2 years of medical school so I'll have my hands full studying for that. After I PASS my boards, I will go back into the lab and finish my PhD. I am so excited to go back to that way of thinking and working. I'm so over medical schools "memorize and regurgitate" attitude and I'm ready to problem solve and DO things. While I am working on my PhD research, I'll also be working a day or two in the hospital to slowly chug away at my clerkship rotations (which are what typical med students do their last two years of school) so that when I finish my PhD, I'll just have to finish whatever is left over.

Right now I am on track to graduate in May of 2017... I think. But it may take longer than that. Boo.

Sterling should get back from his little vacay in August. He mentioned something about getting home earlier, but I'm not holding my breath. After he gets back he'll be around Ft. Campbell for a while longer (which is awesome!). We will be taking a nice vacation when he gets back, and it will be awesome. After that, I'm not entirely sure where he is ending up. I am pretty sure he has to go out to Arizona to do some training eventually, but I like to focus on the now and try not to dwell about where my husband may be someday. Eventually (around 2016) he will get to come hang out with me again until I finish school. Then I have to do a residency (but at least I start getting paid!) and we will find a place to live and be a real married couple again.

Other than all that, not much has been going on except crafting, visiting family and friends, and being a bum...

Oh hey long lost blog!

My goodness has it been awhile!

I have the month of August (well most of it anyway...) off of school. What better time to update on my crazy life?

Obviously Sterling is done with Ranger School. I did get to go visit him and I passed all my classes in the spring, despite missing a week of class. We got a week off in May before the summer classes started and I got to spend that whole time with him :). Sterling now lives in Clarksville, TN which is right outside of Ft. Campbell. I like TN. I could see us living here someday. This summer (or rather, May, June and July) I took about 14 credits, plus a writing course for my PhD program. It was pretty ridiculous... BUT I got to spend SO much time with Sterling. I've learned that driving 9 hours is totally worth an awesome weekend with your husband. Hank has even joined me on a few occasions.

I am currently in his apartment in TN. Since I have until the 27th of August off, I decided to pack up my car (literally my entire car... I couldn't leave behind my crafting tools!) and be a housewife for a month. Sterling got back from a training in Louisiana the night I got down here, just to get sent back a week later. So now, I am currently in TN, in my husbands apartment, with no husband. But he gets back on Friday, so no worries, I'll be getting some more hubby time in soon.

Originally, and I think I have said this before, Sterling was going to be deployed sometime in September. Well that's not the case anymore and let me tell you what a crazy ride this deployment issue has been.

First off, Sterling WANTS to be deployed. No, he doesn't want to leave me and Hank, but this is what he has spent the past year training for. The past couple of months he has been unsure of whether or not he'll even get to go (since they are pulling out and downsizing). He's been super stressed out about it and it has been a challenge to be supportive. I love Sterling, and I want him to get everything he wants out of life. Do I want him to be deployed? Absolutely not. Yet I still prayed for him to get a position that will allow him to go with his unit in November. So now, Sterling is back in Louisiana (for a week) to learn a whole new job so that he can get his deployment in.

That was confusing, I'm sure... Basically it boils down to this: Being a supportive army wife is hard.

I'm so jealous of everyone who has a normal life. Who isn't in school (at 25) and who isn't separated from their loved one (because of the stupid army). I can't wait to get to that point in life where we have NORMAL jobs and we have a house and we aren't living like college students (I'm currently on Sterling's air mattress... yeah, he doesn't have a bed).

If you're with the one you love, you give them a hug right now because you are so dang lucky.

I'll update more later. For now, this is what you get :)