Oh hey long lost blog!

My goodness has it been awhile!

I have the month of August (well most of it anyway...) off of school. What better time to update on my crazy life?

Obviously Sterling is done with Ranger School. I did get to go visit him and I passed all my classes in the spring, despite missing a week of class. We got a week off in May before the summer classes started and I got to spend that whole time with him :). Sterling now lives in Clarksville, TN which is right outside of Ft. Campbell. I like TN. I could see us living here someday. This summer (or rather, May, June and July) I took about 14 credits, plus a writing course for my PhD program. It was pretty ridiculous... BUT I got to spend SO much time with Sterling. I've learned that driving 9 hours is totally worth an awesome weekend with your husband. Hank has even joined me on a few occasions.

I am currently in his apartment in TN. Since I have until the 27th of August off, I decided to pack up my car (literally my entire car... I couldn't leave behind my crafting tools!) and be a housewife for a month. Sterling got back from a training in Louisiana the night I got down here, just to get sent back a week later. So now, I am currently in TN, in my husbands apartment, with no husband. But he gets back on Friday, so no worries, I'll be getting some more hubby time in soon.

Originally, and I think I have said this before, Sterling was going to be deployed sometime in September. Well that's not the case anymore and let me tell you what a crazy ride this deployment issue has been.

First off, Sterling WANTS to be deployed. No, he doesn't want to leave me and Hank, but this is what he has spent the past year training for. The past couple of months he has been unsure of whether or not he'll even get to go (since they are pulling out and downsizing). He's been super stressed out about it and it has been a challenge to be supportive. I love Sterling, and I want him to get everything he wants out of life. Do I want him to be deployed? Absolutely not. Yet I still prayed for him to get a position that will allow him to go with his unit in November. So now, Sterling is back in Louisiana (for a week) to learn a whole new job so that he can get his deployment in.

That was confusing, I'm sure... Basically it boils down to this: Being a supportive army wife is hard.

I'm so jealous of everyone who has a normal life. Who isn't in school (at 25) and who isn't separated from their loved one (because of the stupid army). I can't wait to get to that point in life where we have NORMAL jobs and we have a house and we aren't living like college students (I'm currently on Sterling's air mattress... yeah, he doesn't have a bed).

If you're with the one you love, you give them a hug right now because you are so dang lucky.

I'll update more later. For now, this is what you get :)

Long overdue update

I guess I am a once a month blogger. 

Whenever I think about posting something, I feel like I have way too much and I don't know where to start so I put it off until later. Sounds like how my school work goes...

So here is a long overdue update on my life. I'm sorry if it sounds repetitive, but my life is pretty stagnant right now. Also... this is really long. Feel free to skim.

First topic: Sterling/Ranger School

Well, I just finished reading my last post which stated how Sterling was rocking Ranger School and he was almost done. Oh, how I should have knocked on wood. No fault of his own, Sterling did not pass the last phase of Ranger School. He had told me before that he would be able to call the Sunday before his graduation date (the 2nd of March) to let me know for sure, and that no news, was good news. Well that Sunday I didn't receive a call from him. You can only imagine my excitement. I had my flight booked, I had hotel/rental car plans with his family. I got it cleared by the dean to miss an exam that week. It was all planned out. It was going to be PERFECT timing too... His graduation date fell on the Friday before my Spring Break. So although I'd miss the exam that was on that Friday, I wouldn't be missing any classes or labs or any other exams. 

Then I got the call on Monday morning. I had just gotten done taking a ridiculously hard physiology exam which I worked my butt of studying for, but didn't do too hot on. I was not in a good place. At this point I was so worn down on school that my mini vacation with Sterling was absolutely NEEDED. When he called and told me he didn't pass, I thought he was joking. I even said "You're joking, right?" I can only imagine now, how much more worse that made him feel. After he confirmed it, I instantly started to bawl. I couldn't stop and I was an awful wife for being so unsupportive. I mean, yeah, it sucks for me, but I'm not the one who is going through all this crazy training... not sleeping, barely eating, a ton of physical/mental work... I've felt so awful about my reaction since it happened. Thankfully I have an amazingly strong husband. 

The week that followed, I got to talk to Sterling almost every night. Only for about ten minutes each time... but considering that I had only had 2 conversations with him so far this year, ten minutes every day for a week is pretty outstanding. I can't tell you what that alone did for my well being. I had a lazy spring break, but I still felt re-motivated and ready to get through this next month until I get to see him. 

With that said, Sterling said he'd either call today or tomorrow to let me know if he has graduated. I haven't bought flight tickets, I haven't worked out with the dean when I'll make up my two exams and lab. I haven't prepared at all... I don't know if I can take another blow like last time. I'm so ready to see Sterling. It's been 3 months. But if he has to go through this phase again, I will support him through it.

My husband is such an amazing man. Not only is he going through this incredibly hard situation, but he has turned it into something great. The first day after he called me he wound up sharing the gospel with one of his friends who also didn't pass the last phase. Mid-way through his week off, he organized and led a mini bible study. He wrote to me in a letter that although it's terrible not getting to see me for another month, if he can save just one person's life by getting this chance to share God's word with him, it's worth it. It makes me love and appreciate him even more than I already did. This may sound hard to believe, but although I have yet to be with my husband in 2012, and I've probably only talked to him for a total of an hour, our relationship has gotten about ten times stronger. I've also learned things about myself that were surprising. This whole experience has made me more positive then ever that I am with the person I am supposed to be with and that we will have a long and wonderful marriage. And that, is very comforting. 

Second topic: Medical School

Oh medical school. How I love/hate you.

So in the last few weeks I gave male and female exams. Stuck my fingers in a few interesting places...

I finished one of my classes (physiology) and did pretty well. Started a new class (pathology) and have no idea what's going on in it as I haven't watched barely any of the lectures. I'm in neuroscience right now which I've been rocking (test wise) and I have a lab practical tomorrow which is what I am procrastinating studying... And then there is microbiology.

Freaking microbiology. Let me just say, that I actually really used to like micro. I found it interesting, I was good at it, etc. However, this class has been one of the biggest challenges. The one thing I hate about some of my courses is how they write their freaking exams. Now, I can appreciate that we need to know the different bacteria that cause different infections. I do not, however, need to know every minute detail about said bacteria, nor do I think that we should be examined over that. Oh, but we were and I have been on the struggle bus with that. Major time. 

I could go on... but I'll spare you.

Right now, I feel like I am about 2 weeks behind where I should be. Thankfully, everyone feels that way though. The thing that is going to be hard is if I do get to go and visit Sterling this week. I would be leaving on Thursday, missing 3 hours of lecture that day, missing an exam on Friday, missing another 3 hours of lecture on Monday, 4 hours on Tuesday (plus a 2 hour lab), and an exam and 2 hours of lecture on Wednesday. I'll probably come home on Thursday. Then we have a wonderful micro exam that next Monday...

That is going to be hard to work through. But hopefully once I know if I am going or not, I can study like crazy before I leave and not be behind before I leave. We'll see how it goes.

If for some reason Sterling does not graduate however, I'll have to miss my final exams and I'm not so sure I will be able to swing that... So we're really hoping that he graduates!

Other than that... all I do is study. I'm so cool.

Third topic: Running

I have FINALLY gotten back into the running grind. I've figured out that I'm a morning runner. As crazy as it sounds, that's about the only time I can really motivate myself to run. Last week I started just about everyday off with a 3 or 4 mile run and from that alone I could see a difference in my productivity for the day. I ruined it all by going home and drinking/eating a ton this weekend... but that's okay, I'll just run more this week :)

I signed up for a 3 race series that I am pretty excited about. I am doing a 5 miler in April, a 10K in June and then my half marathon in August. It's been my goal for a while to do a half, so I am excited that I am on track to run one.

Fourth topic: Random?

I think I have hit just about everything important. I'll be sure to update on whether or not I DO get to go and see Sterling this week. Even though it will be a lot of work, it will be SO worth it. I cannot wait to love on that man and to just be with him for a few days. 

And now... it's time to stop procrastinating!

Updates and Lent

First of all... I apologize for not posting anything for a month. I know I don't have too many followers, but for those few of you out there, I'm sorry.

I've been pretty busy though. This semester of medical school has been very trying. I'm not sure if it is because I haven't been working hard enough or because I'm dealing with the added stress of not being able to communicate with my best friend/husband. Whatever the case is, it's been a crazy month of studying. However, I am starting to learn things that are making me more "doctorish" which is pretty wonderful feeling. It's nice to know that all this work is paying off.

I'd like to start with an update on Sterling (for those of you who are curious as to how he is doing in Ranger School). So first of all, Ranger School is HARD. And my boy is kicking it's ass :) There are basically three "phases:" Benning Phase (in GA), Mountain Phase (in GA) and then the Florida Phase (in FL duh...). Between the Benning and Mountain Phase, he had an 8 hour break where he got to go home, do laundry, eat some food, etc. He called me and we skyped :) It was WONDERFUL. Except I nearly lost it when I saw him, because during the Benning Phase he lost 10 pounds. For those of you who know Sterling, he isn't that big, so that is a lot of weight for him.

When he finished the Mountain Phase, I expected the same thing. However, they did not get to go home and I got a 5 minute call from a pay phone, during which I bawled the entire time. During the Mountain Phase he lost another 12 pounds. He must be a skeleton. He informed me though, that he was on track to graduate with honors and he may be one of the top guys in his class. This is amazing... 50% of people who enter Ranger School don't even pass it, so for him to not only pass, but to pass with honors is a pretty big deal.

He is now in the Florida phase and has a little less than 2 weeks left. I've gotten letters from him which are mainly about food and sleep. He told me in his last letter how when they all received their care packages they gorged themselves on candy and it was like a scene straight out of "Heavyweights" when they find all the confiscated candy. That made me chuckle :) He thinks they are going to try to fatten them up a bit before the families come for graduation, which makes me glad. I'm pretty sure I'd loose it if I saw Skeletor Sterling.

All in all, my husband is awesome and he is kicking ass. Like he always does :)

As for me... I've done better. This semester is just kicking my ass. Don't get me wrong, I'm passing everything, but I really thought I'd be doing better than what I am. I am distracted and it sucks. A lot of my distraction comes from the internet.

Oh internet... why must you be so damn distracting?

So for lent, I'm going to do my best to prioritize my time better. I'd love to say that I'm giving up facebook for lent, but I communicate so much through fb that I don't think that would be the best idea. However, I am going to limit myself on how much I am online. It's sad that I have to do this, but it's really a good thing. Not only will I give myself more time to study, but I will also have more time to do my daily bible readings, which is something I need to put more time into. That is what lent is all about right? Not just giving something up to give it up, but to stop doing something so that you have more time to focus on what's important... God.

It's going to be hard, but I know I can do it.

And with that... I'm going to get off this blog and get some studying done for neuroscience.

Hard times

I just skimmed through my last post, and although my life is still good... it's been a hard week or so. When I hit week two of no communication with Sterling, I kind of lost it a bit. It was hard for me to even talk about him without tearing up a bit.

And then I made a HUGE mistake. I drank a (few) glass(es) of wine on Friday night and basically lost it. I can honestly say that is the first time I have cried myself to sleep since he has been gone. I feel like that was my low, and I'm better for hitting it. I mean, everyone needs a good cry here and there, right? I'm still missing Sterling like crazy, but I'm making myself be busy with everything else so that I don't think about it. And boy am I busy!!!

Med school is hard. Med school + Lab work for my PhD program = super hard.

I'm am more and more convinced (with every day of med school) that God didn't put me here just because he wants me to be an awesome doctor someday, but rather, I am where I am so that I can get through this separation.

Sorry if I'm bumming you out... I feel like I talk about the same thing every time I post. Sterling. Ohhhh but I love him :)

You should send some good thoughts my way, I'm starting my "Get up at 5am and Workout" routine tomorrow. We will see how this goes.

Life is good

Although I haven't talked to Sterling in 5 days (and I won't get to talk to him for another 15 or so...) life has been so good to me the past few days, and let me tell you why: amazing people


Last week after Sterling left, I was having a very hard time motivating myself to do anything but sit around, eat Christmas candy, and knit. I started feeling sorry for myself. Did I mention I've been alone in my house since he left? Yeah, not a good combination. However, after the AMAZING MSU bowl game, I called my dearest friend, Carolyn Soule (because I still can't call her Carolyn Bellingar). We talked for an hour and probably could have kept going. Man I miss that girl like crazy. Then, I got to skype with another great friend Liz Mussell. I haven't seen either of these girls in such a long time, but I absolutely love how we can pick up the phone (or the computer) and just catch up like there isn't a gajillion miles between us (Carolyn lives in Escanaba and Liz lives in Wyoming) and like we've been talking to each other every day rather than every month or so. I cherish these girls and the impact they still have on my life.

After a wonderful night catching up with those two, I spent an evening with the wonderful Britton Smith, one of the people in my lifegroup at church here in Lansing. I haven't used her (or the other in my group) enough for company while Sterling has been away, but they are always so supportive. It's so good to know I have such a great support system here in Lansing.

And then, HIGHLIGHT of my week, Ms. Alicia Trudeau otherwise known as Mrs. Alicia Lewan calls me up! Alicia got married last December (the last time I saw her in person) and then spent a year in Africa. Though we did get to chat here and there it had been way too long since I had seen or talked to her. We had a very brief phone call and set up a dinner date. Also invited to the dinner date was the fabulous Andrea Miller, whom I also haven't seen since she got married this past May. I lived with both of these girls my last year at Central and we were all engaged at the same time. They both helped me raise Hank and are officially his Aunts... We closed down the restaurant we were at because we had so much to catch up on.

All of this in one week. AMAZING. Just when I was starting to get really down, God reminded me of the amazing support I have here. Not only did he do this, but he also gave me the opportunity to be more "pre-occupied" while Sterling is away, once again, let me explain...

At MSUCOM (my medical school) we have a student run OMM (Osteopathic Manipulative Medicine... kind of like what chiropractors do) Clinic. We got an email asking who was interested and because there were so many people, it went to lottery. I was one of the lucky (ten) people who got chosen. This will look SO good on my CV. I will get patient contact and learn more OMM, that I can practice on all of you :) Not only am I doing the Student OMM Clinic this semester, I also joined our Scribes group which pays people to take (really awesomely good) notes so that people don't need to go to lecture. So both of these extracurriculars, plus the 20 credits I'm taking, plus lab work, plus my dog, plus training for a half marathon will keep me super busy and hopefully make time fly.

I just feel so hopeful right now.

And on that super positive note, I am going to go and finish knitting this little number :)

Currents...

Thoughts: 

I don't want to clean my house... but it really needs it and I should get it done before my roommate comes home and before the semester starts. It felt like I'd have a ton of time to wrap up all the little things I need to do before school starts, but now I've only got a couple days!!!

Blessings: 

Caffeine in the form of coffee and tea. This break has given me the chance to sleep like no other, but now I can't wake up! I'm definitely thinking about one of those tumbling alarm clocks to get my butt out of bed.

My FREE gym membership. I haven't put it to use as much as I should, but I plan on getting back on the gym bandwagon. 

My friends and family. Right now life is hard. Sterling is gone and I haven't talked to him for the past 4 days and it's already wearing on me. However, I have an amazing support system and I couldn't be more grateful!

My dog. I love Hank. As annoying and rambunctious as he can be, he is the best gift Sterling ever gave me. He keeps me company and keeps me going which is always a good thing. And he is the perfect snuggle buddy!

Struggles: 

Getting to the gym. Already said it!

Being ORGANIZED (however this is one of my resolutions so I plan on getting better about it!). I feel like I have gotten nothing done over break because I'm just sitting around knitting... but really that's not TOO bad.

Projects: 

Right now, I really don't have anything going on that I HAVE to get done. It's nice to just knit things that I want to knit. I've been on a hat kick for a while and in case you didn't see them on my facebook, you should probably go and check em out... I've made some pretty nifty hats lately!

I've also gotten my sewing machine out to try a few things here and there. I still need to make my thermal curtains for my room, and someday I'll get to it...

Favorites: 

Tea. Right now I'm loving tea. Especially after my friend showed me how to make looseleaf tea with my french press. Excited? Oh yeah.

I'm also loving that I've been talking to all of my good friends from CMU lately that I haven't seen in forever. 

My other favorite things are the sweaters that Sterling left behind. They don't smell like him anymore though so part of me is tempted to go out and buy a small thing of the cologne he wears so I can spray them with it. Desperate much??

Desires: 

For it to REALLY snow! This winter has been so lame! I don't really enjoy being cold, but I miss the snow. Plus the muddy-ness is getting really annoying. I feel like I am constantly cleaning up after my dog after he comes in from outside. 

A fireplace. I miss our fireplace so much... someday I can't wait to have a house that has one so that I can always be warm!

This will probably sound pretty corny, but I really want something of Sterling's (now that his sweaters don't smell like him they have lost their value!). Everything in this house is mine. I don't see Sterling in it anywhere, except the pictures and I can't bring them around with me wherever I go. Lame, but true.

In other news... go MSU! Freaking yeah amazing team!

Also, I've started back working in the lab. I've only been going in here and there because of the other things I need to get done, but it has been so good. I miss working in the lab. I always say it... but I really want to try to be more organized with my time so I can actually get in there during the week and do work. It is relaxing and quite therapeutic. When I am there I know I am where I am supposed to be. Corny? Yes! Awesome? Also yes!

And with that I am going to go and clean my house so that when ALICIA comes, she won't be disappointed in me :) and when Emaly gets home she won't feel like she needs to clean anything and she can relax. I may even get some lab time in!

Resolutions

Now that I don't have a husband to talk to, I'll probably blog more. As I'm sitting here I keep thinking of all the things I want to do for "resolutions" this year, so I thought it would be a good idea to write it down to come back to.

1. Run a half marathon. I know I can do this... physically. It's just the motivation part that I seem to lack. However, I made a promise to my husband that I will run one this year and I plan on doing just that.

2. Be more organized. I think I have said this before, but in medical school, your time is really your own. I want to start this semester more organized and use my time wisely rather than the way I have been.

3. Cook more. I got lazy and stopped cooking for myself. I am normally a pretty healthy eater when I plan out and cook my meals, but I haven't been doing that. Also, I have a huge freezer that I can freeze meals in... so let's get to it.

4. Walk my dog more. Ever since we started taking Hank to daycare, I've let that become his main source of exercise. One of my goals this year is to take him for more walks and discover more of downtown Lansing.

5. Be more social. I kind of gave up on hanging out with people this last year. I used school as an excuse a lot, but if I am more organized I can definitely squeeze in more people time which is something I definitely need to do.

Those are the top 5 I can think of. Of course I have a couple smaller ones here and there, but I can't really remember them off the top of my head. And now I am going to go and knit this hat (in a heathered pink color) and make this soup (butternut squash):