Hard times

I just skimmed through my last post, and although my life is still good... it's been a hard week or so. When I hit week two of no communication with Sterling, I kind of lost it a bit. It was hard for me to even talk about him without tearing up a bit.

And then I made a HUGE mistake. I drank a (few) glass(es) of wine on Friday night and basically lost it. I can honestly say that is the first time I have cried myself to sleep since he has been gone. I feel like that was my low, and I'm better for hitting it. I mean, everyone needs a good cry here and there, right? I'm still missing Sterling like crazy, but I'm making myself be busy with everything else so that I don't think about it. And boy am I busy!!!

Med school is hard. Med school + Lab work for my PhD program = super hard.

I'm am more and more convinced (with every day of med school) that God didn't put me here just because he wants me to be an awesome doctor someday, but rather, I am where I am so that I can get through this separation.

Sorry if I'm bumming you out... I feel like I talk about the same thing every time I post. Sterling. Ohhhh but I love him :)

You should send some good thoughts my way, I'm starting my "Get up at 5am and Workout" routine tomorrow. We will see how this goes.

Life is good

Although I haven't talked to Sterling in 5 days (and I won't get to talk to him for another 15 or so...) life has been so good to me the past few days, and let me tell you why: amazing people


Last week after Sterling left, I was having a very hard time motivating myself to do anything but sit around, eat Christmas candy, and knit. I started feeling sorry for myself. Did I mention I've been alone in my house since he left? Yeah, not a good combination. However, after the AMAZING MSU bowl game, I called my dearest friend, Carolyn Soule (because I still can't call her Carolyn Bellingar). We talked for an hour and probably could have kept going. Man I miss that girl like crazy. Then, I got to skype with another great friend Liz Mussell. I haven't seen either of these girls in such a long time, but I absolutely love how we can pick up the phone (or the computer) and just catch up like there isn't a gajillion miles between us (Carolyn lives in Escanaba and Liz lives in Wyoming) and like we've been talking to each other every day rather than every month or so. I cherish these girls and the impact they still have on my life.

After a wonderful night catching up with those two, I spent an evening with the wonderful Britton Smith, one of the people in my lifegroup at church here in Lansing. I haven't used her (or the other in my group) enough for company while Sterling has been away, but they are always so supportive. It's so good to know I have such a great support system here in Lansing.

And then, HIGHLIGHT of my week, Ms. Alicia Trudeau otherwise known as Mrs. Alicia Lewan calls me up! Alicia got married last December (the last time I saw her in person) and then spent a year in Africa. Though we did get to chat here and there it had been way too long since I had seen or talked to her. We had a very brief phone call and set up a dinner date. Also invited to the dinner date was the fabulous Andrea Miller, whom I also haven't seen since she got married this past May. I lived with both of these girls my last year at Central and we were all engaged at the same time. They both helped me raise Hank and are officially his Aunts... We closed down the restaurant we were at because we had so much to catch up on.

All of this in one week. AMAZING. Just when I was starting to get really down, God reminded me of the amazing support I have here. Not only did he do this, but he also gave me the opportunity to be more "pre-occupied" while Sterling is away, once again, let me explain...

At MSUCOM (my medical school) we have a student run OMM (Osteopathic Manipulative Medicine... kind of like what chiropractors do) Clinic. We got an email asking who was interested and because there were so many people, it went to lottery. I was one of the lucky (ten) people who got chosen. This will look SO good on my CV. I will get patient contact and learn more OMM, that I can practice on all of you :) Not only am I doing the Student OMM Clinic this semester, I also joined our Scribes group which pays people to take (really awesomely good) notes so that people don't need to go to lecture. So both of these extracurriculars, plus the 20 credits I'm taking, plus lab work, plus my dog, plus training for a half marathon will keep me super busy and hopefully make time fly.

I just feel so hopeful right now.

And on that super positive note, I am going to go and finish knitting this little number :)

Currents...

Thoughts: 

I don't want to clean my house... but it really needs it and I should get it done before my roommate comes home and before the semester starts. It felt like I'd have a ton of time to wrap up all the little things I need to do before school starts, but now I've only got a couple days!!!

Blessings: 

Caffeine in the form of coffee and tea. This break has given me the chance to sleep like no other, but now I can't wake up! I'm definitely thinking about one of those tumbling alarm clocks to get my butt out of bed.

My FREE gym membership. I haven't put it to use as much as I should, but I plan on getting back on the gym bandwagon. 

My friends and family. Right now life is hard. Sterling is gone and I haven't talked to him for the past 4 days and it's already wearing on me. However, I have an amazing support system and I couldn't be more grateful!

My dog. I love Hank. As annoying and rambunctious as he can be, he is the best gift Sterling ever gave me. He keeps me company and keeps me going which is always a good thing. And he is the perfect snuggle buddy!

Struggles: 

Getting to the gym. Already said it!

Being ORGANIZED (however this is one of my resolutions so I plan on getting better about it!). I feel like I have gotten nothing done over break because I'm just sitting around knitting... but really that's not TOO bad.

Projects: 

Right now, I really don't have anything going on that I HAVE to get done. It's nice to just knit things that I want to knit. I've been on a hat kick for a while and in case you didn't see them on my facebook, you should probably go and check em out... I've made some pretty nifty hats lately!

I've also gotten my sewing machine out to try a few things here and there. I still need to make my thermal curtains for my room, and someday I'll get to it...

Favorites: 

Tea. Right now I'm loving tea. Especially after my friend showed me how to make looseleaf tea with my french press. Excited? Oh yeah.

I'm also loving that I've been talking to all of my good friends from CMU lately that I haven't seen in forever. 

My other favorite things are the sweaters that Sterling left behind. They don't smell like him anymore though so part of me is tempted to go out and buy a small thing of the cologne he wears so I can spray them with it. Desperate much??

Desires: 

For it to REALLY snow! This winter has been so lame! I don't really enjoy being cold, but I miss the snow. Plus the muddy-ness is getting really annoying. I feel like I am constantly cleaning up after my dog after he comes in from outside. 

A fireplace. I miss our fireplace so much... someday I can't wait to have a house that has one so that I can always be warm!

This will probably sound pretty corny, but I really want something of Sterling's (now that his sweaters don't smell like him they have lost their value!). Everything in this house is mine. I don't see Sterling in it anywhere, except the pictures and I can't bring them around with me wherever I go. Lame, but true.

In other news... go MSU! Freaking yeah amazing team!

Also, I've started back working in the lab. I've only been going in here and there because of the other things I need to get done, but it has been so good. I miss working in the lab. I always say it... but I really want to try to be more organized with my time so I can actually get in there during the week and do work. It is relaxing and quite therapeutic. When I am there I know I am where I am supposed to be. Corny? Yes! Awesome? Also yes!

And with that I am going to go and clean my house so that when ALICIA comes, she won't be disappointed in me :) and when Emaly gets home she won't feel like she needs to clean anything and she can relax. I may even get some lab time in!

Resolutions

Now that I don't have a husband to talk to, I'll probably blog more. As I'm sitting here I keep thinking of all the things I want to do for "resolutions" this year, so I thought it would be a good idea to write it down to come back to.

1. Run a half marathon. I know I can do this... physically. It's just the motivation part that I seem to lack. However, I made a promise to my husband that I will run one this year and I plan on doing just that.

2. Be more organized. I think I have said this before, but in medical school, your time is really your own. I want to start this semester more organized and use my time wisely rather than the way I have been.

3. Cook more. I got lazy and stopped cooking for myself. I am normally a pretty healthy eater when I plan out and cook my meals, but I haven't been doing that. Also, I have a huge freezer that I can freeze meals in... so let's get to it.

4. Walk my dog more. Ever since we started taking Hank to daycare, I've let that become his main source of exercise. One of my goals this year is to take him for more walks and discover more of downtown Lansing.

5. Be more social. I kind of gave up on hanging out with people this last year. I used school as an excuse a lot, but if I am more organized I can definitely squeeze in more people time which is something I definitely need to do.

Those are the top 5 I can think of. Of course I have a couple smaller ones here and there, but I can't really remember them off the top of my head. And now I am going to go and knit this hat (in a heathered pink color) and make this soup (butternut squash):