As a follow up to my last post, I just wanted to thank all of you for your love and your prayers.
Things are looking up. I spent my last week working really hard to keep on top of things AND get into the lab. It wasn't easy, I mean a full load of med school credits and 3-4 hours in the lab a day really made me get my act together.
But I got a 92% on my exam today, so I am sure that it paid off.
I still miss Sterling, more than words can describe, but keeping busy is making time go faster and that is what I need more than anything.
And even though school has kept me busy, I made time last week to do things that I enjoy, such as hang out with friends, go to football games, watch Sex and the City, and crochet. Amazing.
So all in all, life is better and I am grateful for your part in that :)
Monday, September 12, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
If it was easy, everyone would do it.
This last week has been a trying week.
First of all, I'm back to classes and I am taking a lot of basic sciences. I am trying not to be over confident (I mean, I've got a pretty good background in science...) and stay up to date with the material. Here's the thing about medical school, the content is not hard, it is the massive amount of work expected of you.
I'm also trying to stay connected with my research lab. I did a very poor job of that over the summer and I need to actually do some work this semester. It's hard balancing two different lives: medical student and graduate student.
Oh, and then there is that third life: Army wife. I think that is the hardest one to balance.
At first, Sterling being gone wasn't that bad. I mean, I've kept busy and it's made time fly. Then he visited and I had to say goodbye, again. That's the hard part, saying goodbye over and over again. I have days that fly by so quickly that it doesn't seem like he's gone. But then there are days, like this week, where I can't stop thinking about him. It sounds slightly pathetic, but I miss my husband. I miss my husband so much that it makes me nauseous. The thing is, I don't get to see him again until December, so there isn't much I can do about the aching. Then on the first of January he starts Ranger school. Guess who doesn't get to have a cell phone during ranger school? Guess who is in ranger school for AT LEAST 3 months? That's a long time to not talk to your husband.
I'm dreading it. I know that I have the rest of September, October, November and December until it happens, but it haunts my thoughts and keeps me up at night.
And I can't focus. I'm working on two doctorate degrees and I can't focus. I can't stop thinking about the 3 months of no communication with my husband, I can't stop thinking of the future deployment(s) where he'll be gone for 6-9 months, I can't stop thinking that I will not get to live with my husband again for another 6 years.
6 years. 6 freaking years.
It's hard to make friends in medical school. Everyone is too busy studying. I mean, I have friends, but not friends that I feel comfortable breaking down and explaining this gut wrenching dread I am dealing with right now. I'm too busy studying to see my best friends from undergrad, who sadly I am growing apart from. Here's the other thing... unless you're in medical school, you don't really get the commitment. And unless you have a husband in the armed forces who is gone, you don't really get the commitment. You can sympathize all you want, but you don't get it.
I feel like the only one I have is 6 years away.
In the past, I would have let this overwhelming sadness take over me and sink into some sort of depression... I'm too busy for that now. And I'm too dedicated. I will finish my DO/PhD program and my marriage will survive this struggle.
God loves me and would not make me suffer without reason.
So I am asking those of you out in blog world to do me a favor and pray for me to stay strong during these trying times. I know I am just fingertips away from slipping into a bad place and it scares me. I'm really sorry about the sad "woe is me" blog post, but I miss having people who know me around and know what's going on in my life.
First of all, I'm back to classes and I am taking a lot of basic sciences. I am trying not to be over confident (I mean, I've got a pretty good background in science...) and stay up to date with the material. Here's the thing about medical school, the content is not hard, it is the massive amount of work expected of you.
I'm also trying to stay connected with my research lab. I did a very poor job of that over the summer and I need to actually do some work this semester. It's hard balancing two different lives: medical student and graduate student.
Oh, and then there is that third life: Army wife. I think that is the hardest one to balance.
At first, Sterling being gone wasn't that bad. I mean, I've kept busy and it's made time fly. Then he visited and I had to say goodbye, again. That's the hard part, saying goodbye over and over again. I have days that fly by so quickly that it doesn't seem like he's gone. But then there are days, like this week, where I can't stop thinking about him. It sounds slightly pathetic, but I miss my husband. I miss my husband so much that it makes me nauseous. The thing is, I don't get to see him again until December, so there isn't much I can do about the aching. Then on the first of January he starts Ranger school. Guess who doesn't get to have a cell phone during ranger school? Guess who is in ranger school for AT LEAST 3 months? That's a long time to not talk to your husband.
I'm dreading it. I know that I have the rest of September, October, November and December until it happens, but it haunts my thoughts and keeps me up at night.
And I can't focus. I'm working on two doctorate degrees and I can't focus. I can't stop thinking about the 3 months of no communication with my husband, I can't stop thinking of the future deployment(s) where he'll be gone for 6-9 months, I can't stop thinking that I will not get to live with my husband again for another 6 years.
6 years. 6 freaking years.
It's hard to make friends in medical school. Everyone is too busy studying. I mean, I have friends, but not friends that I feel comfortable breaking down and explaining this gut wrenching dread I am dealing with right now. I'm too busy studying to see my best friends from undergrad, who sadly I am growing apart from. Here's the other thing... unless you're in medical school, you don't really get the commitment. And unless you have a husband in the armed forces who is gone, you don't really get the commitment. You can sympathize all you want, but you don't get it.
I feel like the only one I have is 6 years away.
In the past, I would have let this overwhelming sadness take over me and sink into some sort of depression... I'm too busy for that now. And I'm too dedicated. I will finish my DO/PhD program and my marriage will survive this struggle.
God loves me and would not make me suffer without reason.
So I am asking those of you out in blog world to do me a favor and pray for me to stay strong during these trying times. I know I am just fingertips away from slipping into a bad place and it scares me. I'm really sorry about the sad "woe is me" blog post, but I miss having people who know me around and know what's going on in my life.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
A lame post from a sort of lame person.
Wow. It has been such a long time since I last updated.
I've finished my first semester of medical school and let me just say, it was a doozie. I definitely had to get used to a whole different style of teaching, studying, and learning. I passed and really I feel like that is an accomplishment, however, I feel that I am more ready for my next semester and the rest of med school.
Sterling got to come up and visit for a couple weeks. It was so great to see him. I can't explain how wonderful it was to spend time with him. However, it was also difficult. He had nothing to do and grew bored really fast and was ready to get started with his next set of training and I of course was busy with school. We had a great time together, but I could tell he was ready to go, which was kind of heartbreaking, but I can totally understand. He told me he was ready to go, but he wasn't ready to leave me again. So now he is in Fort Benning, Georgia and I will be with him again in December. I already can't wait.
Other than that, I've just been working on school. I am sorry I don't have anything more interesting to talk about. I'm kind of all sorts of boring now.
However, I did get a pretty sweet new tattoo.
I've finished my first semester of medical school and let me just say, it was a doozie. I definitely had to get used to a whole different style of teaching, studying, and learning. I passed and really I feel like that is an accomplishment, however, I feel that I am more ready for my next semester and the rest of med school.
Sterling got to come up and visit for a couple weeks. It was so great to see him. I can't explain how wonderful it was to spend time with him. However, it was also difficult. He had nothing to do and grew bored really fast and was ready to get started with his next set of training and I of course was busy with school. We had a great time together, but I could tell he was ready to go, which was kind of heartbreaking, but I can totally understand. He told me he was ready to go, but he wasn't ready to leave me again. So now he is in Fort Benning, Georgia and I will be with him again in December. I already can't wait.
Other than that, I've just been working on school. I am sorry I don't have anything more interesting to talk about. I'm kind of all sorts of boring now.
However, I did get a pretty sweet new tattoo.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Dut dut out.
5, 6, 5678. Dut dut out. (It's a guard thing)
Sorry about the lack of posting. Can I just say that life is crazy? I mean, it's JULY.
A little over a month ago I had to say goodbye to my best friend, my husband. It was hard. It was painful. It sucked more than you can imagine. So how am I doing now?
... surprisingly okay. Time is flying. I have my moments where I just want to feel his touch. I just want to get a hug or be spooned, but that is only natural. It's hard, but with each day apart, I am growing more and more confident that we CAN do this. We have to.
So, I started medical school. It's kind of hard, who'd have thought? And then the whole second doctoral degree on top of that makes it no easy endeavor. But man oh man do I thrive in the chaos. I'm on top of my game right now and I love it. I love going to bed knowing that I am one day closer to being a doctor. It's an amazing feeling. I can honestly say that I feel like I am right where I belong now, even though Sterling is not with me.
God is good :) He hasn't given us anything we can't handle.
I'm really optimistic right now... I'll have to bookmark this post so that in future days of stress I can return to it and remember that God is good. So good.
And with that, I need to write a review article and study for Anatomy. Haha, happy 4th!
Sorry about the lack of posting. Can I just say that life is crazy? I mean, it's JULY.
A little over a month ago I had to say goodbye to my best friend, my husband. It was hard. It was painful. It sucked more than you can imagine. So how am I doing now?
... surprisingly okay. Time is flying. I have my moments where I just want to feel his touch. I just want to get a hug or be spooned, but that is only natural. It's hard, but with each day apart, I am growing more and more confident that we CAN do this. We have to.
So, I started medical school. It's kind of hard, who'd have thought? And then the whole second doctoral degree on top of that makes it no easy endeavor. But man oh man do I thrive in the chaos. I'm on top of my game right now and I love it. I love going to bed knowing that I am one day closer to being a doctor. It's an amazing feeling. I can honestly say that I feel like I am right where I belong now, even though Sterling is not with me.
God is good :) He hasn't given us anything we can't handle.
I'm really optimistic right now... I'll have to bookmark this post so that in future days of stress I can return to it and remember that God is good. So good.
And with that, I need to write a review article and study for Anatomy. Haha, happy 4th!
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Goodbye's suck.
Monday morning I thought I was going to be sick. The thought of Sterling leaving gave me not just emotional, but real physical pain. It still does when I think about it. I've been trying to keep my days so busy that by the time I get time to rest, that is all my body and mind wants to do. I'm afraid to sit too long because I know that my ache will just grow. I know, I know, this is only day two of a six year journey.
We'll get through this and we'll be stronger for it, I just wish it didn't hurt so dang much.
Please pray for Sterling and I. I know that while he is very excited about starting his military career, he is hurting as well.
In the meantime, I'll be busy studying. As always.
We'll get through this and we'll be stronger for it, I just wish it didn't hurt so dang much.
Please pray for Sterling and I. I know that while he is very excited about starting his military career, he is hurting as well.
In the meantime, I'll be busy studying. As always.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
It's been a while, eh?
I know, I know, it's been A LONG time since I've actually updated this thing. As I know that this is the main way that some of you keep up, I apologize.
Last month was a never-ending trip for Sterling. He was gone for more than half of the month to various conferences and award ceremonies and I was busy with the dog and studying. This month... well this month has been no better and will get no better!
The first week of May I had finals. I was worried about them, but I passed all my classes and everything got done. I also had the opportunity to TA (teaching assistant) for second year medical students in a digestive microbiology lab practical. It was a huge learning experience and also kind of funny as I'll be taking this class in two years haha!
Sterling graduated with his masters in geography on the 6th. It was probably the longest graduation ceremony I have ever been to. I'm so proud of him, but I'll be glad to not have to sit through another one of those any time soon! On the 7th, Sterling was officially commissioned as a second lieutenant in the Army. It was a really nice ceremony and I got to pin on one of his ranks. On the 8th, my older sister, Amy, finally graduated with her degree in chemical engineering! Keep her in your prayers for a job!
This past weekend (14th and 15th) I was a bridesmaid in Ms. Andrea Pietrykowski, oops! I mean MRS. Andrea MILLER's wedding :). Andrea and her family were so great and they got Sterling and I a hotel room for the entire weekend. We had such a great time. We drank too much... but we were the life of the party (other than the bride and groom of course) and we spent the night dancing and telling stories and just having a wonderful time. It is exactly what we needed :)
I started my first summer class this week... Statistics. Ugh. But it's online so maybe that's better?
Sterling and I also got a roommate. Her name is Emaly and she will be living with me for the next two years. So far we are getting along great and I think that she is going to be a great roommate.
This weekend is Sterling's last weekend in Michigan. We are having a going away party for him on Friday night and that should be a great time. I'm still not sure if I am prepared for what is coming, but at this point I have no choice. For those of you who don't know, on the 23rd, Sterling is leaving for Ft. Knox where he will work at a summer training (called LTC) that he actually went to, that is for ROTC cadets. After that (around August) he is going to Ft. Benning, Georgia for his BOLC (Basic for Officers) training. That will get over around December and hopefully he will have some time off for the holidays. After that, he is going to ranger school which is also in Ft. Benning. When he finishes with that he will go to his assigned post in Ft. Campbell, TN, the 101st Airborne (which is where he wanted to go) to start his career as an Infantry Officer. He'll most likely get deployed his second or third year out, though we won't know for a while.
I am so proud of everything Sterling has done. He has been named the top cadet in Michigan and he has been picked for all of the places that he picked as first choice. I know he is going to do great things in the Army.
So now you may be wondering, what about me? Well, I will be here in Michigan for at least the next six years. Sterling and I will do our best to visit, but we won't be living together until I am finished with school. It's sad to think about. Really depressing actually. But we'll get through it. Mainly because I am going to be so busy with school I won't have time to miss him. I used to think that getting into the DO/PhD program was God's way of telling me I should be a research physician... now I think that he is just trying to keep me really busy so I don't get too sad.
In other news, I have found a great lab to do research in. I love my project and I love coming to work. In fact sometimes it's hard to go home, but I know I have a puppy waiting :)
My good friend just had a baby and I've developed a new love... crocheting baby hats. Mainly because I can finish one off in a couple hours. If you know anyone who needs a baby hat, you let me know :)
Last month was a never-ending trip for Sterling. He was gone for more than half of the month to various conferences and award ceremonies and I was busy with the dog and studying. This month... well this month has been no better and will get no better!
The first week of May I had finals. I was worried about them, but I passed all my classes and everything got done. I also had the opportunity to TA (teaching assistant) for second year medical students in a digestive microbiology lab practical. It was a huge learning experience and also kind of funny as I'll be taking this class in two years haha!
Sterling graduated with his masters in geography on the 6th. It was probably the longest graduation ceremony I have ever been to. I'm so proud of him, but I'll be glad to not have to sit through another one of those any time soon! On the 7th, Sterling was officially commissioned as a second lieutenant in the Army. It was a really nice ceremony and I got to pin on one of his ranks. On the 8th, my older sister, Amy, finally graduated with her degree in chemical engineering! Keep her in your prayers for a job!
This past weekend (14th and 15th) I was a bridesmaid in Ms. Andrea Pietrykowski, oops! I mean MRS. Andrea MILLER's wedding :). Andrea and her family were so great and they got Sterling and I a hotel room for the entire weekend. We had such a great time. We drank too much... but we were the life of the party (other than the bride and groom of course) and we spent the night dancing and telling stories and just having a wonderful time. It is exactly what we needed :)
I started my first summer class this week... Statistics. Ugh. But it's online so maybe that's better?
Sterling and I also got a roommate. Her name is Emaly and she will be living with me for the next two years. So far we are getting along great and I think that she is going to be a great roommate.
This weekend is Sterling's last weekend in Michigan. We are having a going away party for him on Friday night and that should be a great time. I'm still not sure if I am prepared for what is coming, but at this point I have no choice. For those of you who don't know, on the 23rd, Sterling is leaving for Ft. Knox where he will work at a summer training (called LTC) that he actually went to, that is for ROTC cadets. After that (around August) he is going to Ft. Benning, Georgia for his BOLC (Basic for Officers) training. That will get over around December and hopefully he will have some time off for the holidays. After that, he is going to ranger school which is also in Ft. Benning. When he finishes with that he will go to his assigned post in Ft. Campbell, TN, the 101st Airborne (which is where he wanted to go) to start his career as an Infantry Officer. He'll most likely get deployed his second or third year out, though we won't know for a while.
I am so proud of everything Sterling has done. He has been named the top cadet in Michigan and he has been picked for all of the places that he picked as first choice. I know he is going to do great things in the Army.
So now you may be wondering, what about me? Well, I will be here in Michigan for at least the next six years. Sterling and I will do our best to visit, but we won't be living together until I am finished with school. It's sad to think about. Really depressing actually. But we'll get through it. Mainly because I am going to be so busy with school I won't have time to miss him. I used to think that getting into the DO/PhD program was God's way of telling me I should be a research physician... now I think that he is just trying to keep me really busy so I don't get too sad.
In other news, I have found a great lab to do research in. I love my project and I love coming to work. In fact sometimes it's hard to go home, but I know I have a puppy waiting :)
My good friend just had a baby and I've developed a new love... crocheting baby hats. Mainly because I can finish one off in a couple hours. If you know anyone who needs a baby hat, you let me know :)
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Procrastinating by updating!
Hello friends! Sorry I've been absent from the blogging world lately, however, I have been keeping up to date with yours :) Life has been kind of hectic lately and I just haven't made time to update. But now I am because I don't want to go and take pictures of 130 gut samples...
1. First of all, I officially joined a lab and am starting to work on my actual PhD work. I am working in a lab where we study the relationship between the gut and bone loss. It sounds like a stretch, but it's pretty cool stuff. I am also working on a project on studying the benefits of probiotics on bone loss, but ultimately we would like to treat patients with diseases like IBD and Crohn's with the probiotics to increase health in both the gut and the bone. This is a shout out to you Taylor... I'm going to feed you bacteria some day!
While it has been really exciting finding a lab and joining it and finding a place here at MSU where I fit in and belong, it's also a really scary transition. I need to know things now. The current grad student is defending her work next week, then she is leaving for her post-doc at NYU. I will be second in command and one of the head honcho's around here. Kind of intimidating.
2. Sterling is gone again... He is actually traveling and away for half of the month in April. It's kind of crazy actually. Let's see, last weekend I dropped him off Friday morning to go to Gettysburg for the weekend (with ROTC) and I picked him up Sunday night. Monday morning I dropped him off at the airport to go to Seattle for a conference to present his research (from his masters work) and I get to pick him up Thursday night. Then on Sunday morning I will take him to the airport again to go to Virginia and I think I will pick him up next Thursday. Traveling man. It's kind of a prelude to what is on the horizon...
3. We have Sterling's leave date: May 23rd. Yeah, that's a little too soon for me. There is nothing I can do about it, but accept it and deal with it. Doesn't make it suck any less.
4. I am moving out of my apartment and into a house in a few months! Am I excited? So excited! The main reason is the fenced in backyard. My life will be so much easier! Especially with Sterling gone... that poor dog doesn't get nearly as much exercise as he would like so this will be wonderful for him. Plus I will have a roommate which will help when Sterling is away.
5. I am starting medical school in a few months. While I love the graduate program I am in here at MSU, I am so excited to start taking med classes. I mean, medical school was my goal for so long and now I am finally there! It's going to be hard (especially since I'm also doing grad school) but it will be so worth it in the end. Someday (in the far away future) I'll graduate and be able to do whatever I want... I just don't know what that is at the moment haha!
Okay, I think that I don't really have anything else new going on... so unfortunately, I need to get back to the reading and get back to taking pictures of guts (they are pretty cool looking though :))
1. First of all, I officially joined a lab and am starting to work on my actual PhD work. I am working in a lab where we study the relationship between the gut and bone loss. It sounds like a stretch, but it's pretty cool stuff. I am also working on a project on studying the benefits of probiotics on bone loss, but ultimately we would like to treat patients with diseases like IBD and Crohn's with the probiotics to increase health in both the gut and the bone. This is a shout out to you Taylor... I'm going to feed you bacteria some day!
While it has been really exciting finding a lab and joining it and finding a place here at MSU where I fit in and belong, it's also a really scary transition. I need to know things now. The current grad student is defending her work next week, then she is leaving for her post-doc at NYU. I will be second in command and one of the head honcho's around here. Kind of intimidating.
2. Sterling is gone again... He is actually traveling and away for half of the month in April. It's kind of crazy actually. Let's see, last weekend I dropped him off Friday morning to go to Gettysburg for the weekend (with ROTC) and I picked him up Sunday night. Monday morning I dropped him off at the airport to go to Seattle for a conference to present his research (from his masters work) and I get to pick him up Thursday night. Then on Sunday morning I will take him to the airport again to go to Virginia and I think I will pick him up next Thursday. Traveling man. It's kind of a prelude to what is on the horizon...
3. We have Sterling's leave date: May 23rd. Yeah, that's a little too soon for me. There is nothing I can do about it, but accept it and deal with it. Doesn't make it suck any less.
4. I am moving out of my apartment and into a house in a few months! Am I excited? So excited! The main reason is the fenced in backyard. My life will be so much easier! Especially with Sterling gone... that poor dog doesn't get nearly as much exercise as he would like so this will be wonderful for him. Plus I will have a roommate which will help when Sterling is away.
5. I am starting medical school in a few months. While I love the graduate program I am in here at MSU, I am so excited to start taking med classes. I mean, medical school was my goal for so long and now I am finally there! It's going to be hard (especially since I'm also doing grad school) but it will be so worth it in the end. Someday (in the far away future) I'll graduate and be able to do whatever I want... I just don't know what that is at the moment haha!
Okay, I think that I don't really have anything else new going on... so unfortunately, I need to get back to the reading and get back to taking pictures of guts (they are pretty cool looking though :))
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)