End of the year post!

Wow, it has been quite some time since I've updated. But really, the end of November and most of December are a blur. Mostly because all I was doing was studying and knitting and anxiously awaiting the arrival of my husband for his Christmas visit. The studying and knitting stuff was quite boring, other than the fact that I've actually been making money knitting/crocheting (awesome). 

The visit from the husband? Awesome, of course. I've gotten so used to him being gone that it's almost weird when he visits now. How sad is that? We had our own little family Christmas this year. We came up with some new traditions, such as: Making a gingerbread house (out of real gingerbread of course) with a barrel full of monkeys (inside joke...), going to look at Christmas lights after the Christmas Eve service at church, opening pajamas on Christmas Eve and watching Christmas Vacation :) 

Because we were on budget Christmas, our presents were kind of lame. Especially Sterlings... I feel bad, but since he starts Ranger School on the 1st, he'd be unable to take anything he got with him and how much of a bummer would that be? So he mainly got money and stuff he needed for Ranger School (such as warm socks!)

With that said, he left a couple days ago and I've been absolutely pathetic. I didn't get out of bed until 2pm today. So lame... but without school as a distraction, it's hard to make myself go and do anything productive. I was seriously contemplating boycotting New Years this year as I am really not looking forward to 2012. We start it off with Ranger School on the 1st. It will be AT LEAST 60 days long and I'll only get to talk to Sterling once every 3 weeks. I will most likely be heading down to Georgia for my spring break and Sterling's Ranger school graduation in March, then he will be off to Airborne school (jumping out of planes? Crazy). After Airborne he will head to Ft. Campbell where he will finally meet up with his unit. He has informed me that his unit will most likely be deploying this summer/fall. Deployments are typically 9 months and with him being in the infantry, contact will be pretty slim as he'll be out in the field a lot. So in a nutshell, 2012 will suck. I will be away from/not in contact with my husband more than I will be with him/able to talk to him.

Sorry about the pity party. And don't worry, although I was all for boycotting New Years, I'll be spending it with my brother and sister in law, probably drinking massive amounts of wine. I'm okay with it. It is what it is.

I'll be honest, what prompted me to blog was the survey that Alex did... so without further adieu, the end of the year questionnaire!

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?

Knit! I've always wanted to learn, but I was never able to make myself sit down and do it... and now it is my favorite thing! 

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don't even remember if I made resolutions... so therefore I probably won't be keeping them. I will be making some for this next year, the biggest is to run a marathon this year. Seems impossible now, but I know I can do it.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
The post-doc in my lab just recently had a baby boy. Also, some good friends in my lifegroup had a beautiful baby girl in the spring. There have been a lot of pregnancies that will result in 2012 babies that I am oh-so-excited about!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not this year, thank goodness

5. Where did you travel to?
In the spring and summer I traveled all over Michigan for some weddings that I was in. Other than that, I traveled to Georgia to visit Sterling this past November.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
A schedule. Medical school is weird in that you can do basically everything from home if you want... but I am so terrible at managing my own time that I NEED a schedule. 

I also need to have a steady workout schedule. I was so horrible about this in 2011, especially after Sterling left. In addition to working out more, I need to be in contact with friends more. I spent too much of 2011 sad and lonely because I refused to reach out. No more of this!

7. What events from 2011 stand out the most to you?
Carolyn and Andrea's wedding, Sterling graduating and leaving in May, all the visits, my white coat ceremony

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting through it! This has been the biggest year of change... and hard change. Adjusting to being a military wife and starting medical school is a huge achievement if I do say so myself.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Getting awesome grades... I passed my classes, but I could have done better. Also eating healthy and exercising (at least as much as I used to)

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I was so fortunate in that I did NOT have any illnesses or injuries... with the exception of the cold that I got last week. Suckfest.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My newest tattoo. I love it so much :)

12. What person helped you most in 2011?
Probably my sister in law, Abbi. When I had my mental breakdowns, she was the one I always called. Also my lifegroup has been an amazing source of comfort for me the past year.

13. What discoveries did you make in 2011?
That not having a roommate that works out/eats healthy makes me not do either of those things. Medical school is hard (and very similar to being in high school again). That being an Army wife kind of sucks. That I can sell my knitted items for cash money (made almost $200 this year :).

14. Where did most of your money go?
Student loans. We are working like crazy to get them paid off before I graduate from MSU so we have no debt when I am finished with school.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Any time I got to see my husband.

16. What were some of the hardships in 2011?
Having my best friend/husband live in Kentucky and Georgia for over half the year. Sorry... this is a common theme in 2011.

17. How have you grown since this time last year?
I've learned that although I hate it, I can be okay without seeing and talking to Sterling for long periods of time. So I guess I would call that independence?

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
I wish I would have spent more time with friends/people. I spent way too much time by myself this past year!

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Being distracted by the computer... needlessly

20. How did you spend the holidays?
I honestly can't remember most of them... This is why I should blog more, for my own sake. I already talked about Christmas. Thanksgiving was with both families and really weird because it was the first real holiday without Sterling. The fourth of July was at my parents as usual for their huge hick bonfire/illegal fireworks show. Easter we had dinner at both families then shot guns out at my parents farm (another hick tradition). Halloween I stayed home and passed out halloween candy. We didn't really do anything for Valentines day... and I can't remember what we did for New Years.

21. Did you fall in love in 2011?
Not really... 

22. What was your favorite TV show?
Dexter, Mad Men, How I met your mother

23. Other favorites from 2011?
My new house, my new computer, knitting, oreo balls, and a lot of other food that is NOT good for me...

24. What was the best book you read?
 My brother in law got me hooked on the Game of Thrones series. I also will always love the Wheel of Time series.

25. The hobby you spent the most time on?
Definitely knitting.

26. What did you want and get?
Haha the only thing I can think of is the new winter coat I got for Christmas. It's freaking amazing and the warmest coat in the history of coats. 

27. What did you want and not get?
I really wanted Sterling to bring up some Army swag so I could put it all over my car and stuff and brag about him... he said not yet, not until he is a Ranger. Weirdo.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
I really, really enjoyed The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
On my real birthday I studied, because I had an exam the next day. Boo. On the weekend of my birthday I went to the Whiskey Barrel and drank entirely too much and rode a mechanical bull. I turned 25... so old.  

30. What is your favorite quote from 2011?
Have love, give love

If it was easy, everyone would do it

31. How would you describe your personal fashion in 2011?
So lazy. Medical school makes you a lazy slob when it comes to fashion. Let's just say that lots of scrubs, yoga pants, and sweats were worn in 2011.

32. What kept you sane?
My husband, Hank, caffeine, candy, knitting

33. What was your occupation in 2011?
Student

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Healthcare. Also, they almost passed a bill that would cut funding to residency programs which would make it harder for this girl to someday get a job... thank goodness it didn't go through

35. Who did you miss?
So many people. All of my friends from CMU, old roomies, guard girls, dance girls, etc

36. Who was the best new person you met?
My class in med school is awesome. There are so many cool people that I am excited to get to know better :)

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011?
If you want to see change in yourself, you have to change

38. Who lives in your home with you this year?
My roommate Emaly, my dog Hank, her dog Abby and her cat Sid

39. What are your plans for this New Year’s Eve?
Hanging out with Adam and Leah and their dog Maddie (and Hank of course)

 

40. What are your plans for 2012?
Run more, study more, use my time wisely, love on my husband as much as I can, make money knitting, spend less time sitting and more time doing.

A long overdue update

So I always mean to update... but then I don't because I don't even know where to start. For that reason this is going to be a bullet point blog:

• Just visited Sterling in Georgia. Let's just say that the world is a little bit different on an Army base.
• I received another grant for this semesters tuition so all I am paying for my spring semester is $750. Awesome. So very, very awesome.
• My hubby isn't planning on staying in the army after his commitment. This means we will get to live together in only about 4 more years.
• Starting January 1st I will only get to talk to Sterling once every 2 weeks until mid-March. 
• Sterling will most likely be deployed in the fall of next year.
• Sterling gave me a brilliant idea of how to study. I record myself reviewing the lecture/hitting the main points and then I can re-listen to it while I walk Hank, go to the gym, knit, etc...
• Now that I can study and knit at the same time, I've offered my skills and I'm currently making things for three different people and making money for it... baller!
• I baked my first turkey today and it was delicious. Absolute success!
• I've gained weight :( boooooo... time to get on the running bandwagon again.
• Found out today that I have to take a graduate writing course this summer... along with 12 credits of medical courses. BOOOOOO.
• Tomorrow I am going out with a bunch of people from medical school for my birthday. Yeah line-dancing :)
• My house is extremely drafty. However, I bought material to make thermal curtains. Bonus!
• I have to get up early tomorrow morning to sacrifice mice. On my birthday. Booooo.
• I am praying to get closer to my family over the break. I sometimes feel like they have forgotten about me, just because I am so busy with medical school.
• I miss all of you. So much. Medical school is fun, but it really feels like I am back in high school and I have to try so hard to impress people. With you, it was just easy. Miss you girls.
• Time for bed... busy day tomorrow!

Procrastination...

Salutations blog followers (to the few of you out there...)!

I'm exhausted, but not quite ready for bed yet so I thought I'd write a little ditty on here before I hit the hay.

First and foremost, STERLING WILL BE HERE ON FRIDAY!!! Excited? Oh yes.

However, I have an exam Monday morning and Tuesday morning. Excited? Oh NO.

Due to this, I have been studying like a beast this week. I had an exam on Monday (which I rocked btw... 43/45? I'll take it!) and since then I've been studying for my exams next week along with trying to get everything done that I need to get done before Sterling gets here. It'll happen tomorrow. Hopefully.

You know what really sucks? The exam next Monday is 25% of my grade! AHHHH! 

Oh medical school. 

*Le sigh*

On another note, I've had an interesting revelation about my future plans. Although I've always wanted to go to medical school, I've never really shown a particular interest in a particular path in medicine. In other words, I want to be a doctor, but I don't know what KIND of a doctor. However, while talking with Sterling about it not too long ago, he helped me by asking what kind of a doctor I DON'T want to be. Which turns out, I know quite well. I don't want to do pediatrics, obgyn, surgery, emergency, or primary care. That rules out a lot of the big hitters. I've always thought I would stick to a residency in Internal Medicine, but the next step wasn't clear until I realized what I'm the most interested in... and so Ladies and Gentlemen (although I don't think I have any male readers) I'm pretty (like 87%) sure that I am going to take the route of an Endocrinologist, and I am pretty excited about that. 

So as of now, here is the Sandi timeline of events:

Now - 2013: Pre-clerkship classes and the first step of the boards

2013 - 2015: Finish PhD

2015 - 2017: Clerkships/Graduate with DO in May

2017 - 2020: Internal Medicine Residency

2020 - 2022: Fellowship in Endocrinology

In 2022 I will be 36. That is when I will be all finished with my "training"

Wow... this just got a little depressing! Here, maybe I should add some other things to the time line to make things look a bit better.

Now - 2013: Pre-clerkship classes and the first step of the boards

2013 - 2015: Finish PhD (we'll probably have all our undergraduate loans paid off by this time, so we'll start saving money for that house we'll buy down the road...)

2015 - 2017: Clerkships/Graduate with DO in May

Move back in with Sterling... start making babies like we're rabbits

2017 - 2020: Internal Medicine Residency (hopefully in an Army hospital in Germany or Italy!)

2020 - 2022: Fellowship in Endocrinology (back in the US at either a well funded Army Research Hospital or any plain old Research Hospital)

Buy a house and finally nest :)

Cure diseases

Win Nobel Prize

Retire and open up a doggie day care

Now, I'm not sure if things will go exactly like that, but I'm hoping they follow that general pattern. If I had things my way, I'd start popping babies out sooner. If Sterling is able to come back here at all before I graduate that is probably what will happen :)

Then I'll finally have my own kid to crochet for instead of this adorable little thing (my friend's baby Kinley)

I mean, every baby needs a pumpkin hat in October!

Touch

This may be an awkward thing to say... but I'm just gonna come straight out and say it.

I miss being touched. I miss being held. I all in all just miss physical contact.

I don't really have people that just hug me. So on a day to day basis, I am rarely touched. And that may be normal for you, but when you get used to it and then it goes away, you start to miss it quite a lot. I need more hugs in my life.

With that said, Sterling is coming up in little over a week for a long weekend. I'm sure we'll be doing plenty of "touching" while he's here ;)

Back on track (ish)

As a follow up to my last post, I just wanted to thank all of you for your love and your prayers.

Things are looking up. I spent my last week working really hard to keep on top of things AND get into the lab. It wasn't easy, I mean a full load of med school credits and 3-4 hours in the lab a day really made me get my act together.

But I got a 92% on my exam today, so I am sure that it paid off.

I still miss Sterling, more than words can describe, but keeping busy is making time go faster and that is what I need more than anything.

And even though school has kept me busy, I made time last week to do things that I enjoy, such as hang out with friends, go to football games, watch Sex and the City, and crochet. Amazing.

So all in all, life is better and I am grateful for your part in that :)

If it was easy, everyone would do it.

This last week has been a trying week.

First of all, I'm back to classes and I am taking a lot of basic sciences. I am trying not to be over confident (I mean, I've got a pretty good background in science...) and stay up to date with the material. Here's the thing about medical school, the content is not hard, it is the massive amount of work expected of you.

I'm also trying to stay connected with my research lab. I did a very poor job of that over the summer and I need to actually do some work this semester. It's hard balancing two different lives: medical student and graduate student.

Oh, and then there is that third life: Army wife. I think that is the hardest one to balance.

At first, Sterling being gone wasn't that bad. I mean, I've kept busy and it's made time fly. Then he visited and I had to say goodbye, again. That's the hard part, saying goodbye over and over again. I have days that fly by so quickly that it doesn't seem like he's gone. But then there are days, like this week, where I can't stop thinking about him. It sounds slightly pathetic, but I miss my husband.  I miss my husband so much that it makes me nauseous. The thing is, I don't get to see him again until December, so there isn't much I can do about the aching. Then on the first of January he starts Ranger school. Guess who doesn't get to have a cell phone during ranger school? Guess who is in ranger school for AT LEAST 3 months? That's a long time to not talk to your husband.

I'm dreading it. I know that I have the rest of September, October, November and December until it happens, but it haunts my thoughts and keeps me up at night.

And I can't focus. I'm working on two doctorate degrees and I can't focus. I can't stop thinking about the 3 months of no communication with my husband, I can't stop thinking of the future deployment(s) where he'll be gone for 6-9 months, I can't stop thinking that I will not get to live with my husband again for another 6 years.

6 years. 6 freaking years.

It's hard to make friends in medical school. Everyone is too busy studying. I mean, I have friends, but not friends that I feel comfortable breaking down and explaining this gut wrenching dread I am dealing with right now. I'm too busy studying to see my best friends from undergrad, who sadly I am growing apart from. Here's the other thing... unless you're in medical school, you don't really get the commitment. And unless you have a husband in the armed forces who is gone, you don't really get the commitment. You can sympathize all you want, but you don't get it.

I feel like the only one I have is 6 years away.

In the past, I would have let this overwhelming sadness take over me and sink into some sort of depression... I'm too busy for that now. And I'm too dedicated. I will finish my DO/PhD program and my marriage will survive this struggle.

God loves me and would not make me suffer without reason.

So I am asking those of you out in blog world to do me a favor and pray for me to stay strong during these trying times. I know I am just fingertips away from slipping into a bad place and it scares me. I'm really sorry about the sad "woe is me" blog post, but I miss having people who know me around and know what's going on in my life.

A lame post from a sort of lame person.

Wow. It has been such a long time since I last updated.

I've finished my first semester of medical school and let me just say, it was a doozie. I definitely had to get used to a whole different style of teaching, studying, and learning. I passed and really I feel like that is an accomplishment, however, I feel that I am more ready for my next semester and the rest of med school.

Sterling got to come up and visit for a couple weeks. It was so great to see him. I can't explain how wonderful it was to spend time with him. However, it was also difficult. He had nothing to do and grew bored really fast and was ready to get started with his next set of training and I of course was busy with school. We had a great time together, but I could tell he was ready to go, which was kind of heartbreaking, but I can totally understand. He told me he was ready to go, but he wasn't ready to leave me again. So now he is in Fort Benning, Georgia and I will be with him again in December. I already can't wait.

Other than that, I've just been working on school. I am sorry I don't have anything more interesting to talk about. I'm kind of all sorts of boring now.

However, I did get a pretty sweet new tattoo.