A long overdue update

So I always mean to update... but then I don't because I don't even know where to start. For that reason this is going to be a bullet point blog:

• Just visited Sterling in Georgia. Let's just say that the world is a little bit different on an Army base.
• I received another grant for this semesters tuition so all I am paying for my spring semester is $750. Awesome. So very, very awesome.
• My hubby isn't planning on staying in the army after his commitment. This means we will get to live together in only about 4 more years.
• Starting January 1st I will only get to talk to Sterling once every 2 weeks until mid-March. 
• Sterling will most likely be deployed in the fall of next year.
• Sterling gave me a brilliant idea of how to study. I record myself reviewing the lecture/hitting the main points and then I can re-listen to it while I walk Hank, go to the gym, knit, etc...
• Now that I can study and knit at the same time, I've offered my skills and I'm currently making things for three different people and making money for it... baller!
• I baked my first turkey today and it was delicious. Absolute success!
• I've gained weight :( boooooo... time to get on the running bandwagon again.
• Found out today that I have to take a graduate writing course this summer... along with 12 credits of medical courses. BOOOOOO.
• Tomorrow I am going out with a bunch of people from medical school for my birthday. Yeah line-dancing :)
• My house is extremely drafty. However, I bought material to make thermal curtains. Bonus!
• I have to get up early tomorrow morning to sacrifice mice. On my birthday. Booooo.
• I am praying to get closer to my family over the break. I sometimes feel like they have forgotten about me, just because I am so busy with medical school.
• I miss all of you. So much. Medical school is fun, but it really feels like I am back in high school and I have to try so hard to impress people. With you, it was just easy. Miss you girls.
• Time for bed... busy day tomorrow!

Procrastination...

Salutations blog followers (to the few of you out there...)!

I'm exhausted, but not quite ready for bed yet so I thought I'd write a little ditty on here before I hit the hay.

First and foremost, STERLING WILL BE HERE ON FRIDAY!!! Excited? Oh yes.

However, I have an exam Monday morning and Tuesday morning. Excited? Oh NO.

Due to this, I have been studying like a beast this week. I had an exam on Monday (which I rocked btw... 43/45? I'll take it!) and since then I've been studying for my exams next week along with trying to get everything done that I need to get done before Sterling gets here. It'll happen tomorrow. Hopefully.

You know what really sucks? The exam next Monday is 25% of my grade! AHHHH! 

Oh medical school. 

*Le sigh*

On another note, I've had an interesting revelation about my future plans. Although I've always wanted to go to medical school, I've never really shown a particular interest in a particular path in medicine. In other words, I want to be a doctor, but I don't know what KIND of a doctor. However, while talking with Sterling about it not too long ago, he helped me by asking what kind of a doctor I DON'T want to be. Which turns out, I know quite well. I don't want to do pediatrics, obgyn, surgery, emergency, or primary care. That rules out a lot of the big hitters. I've always thought I would stick to a residency in Internal Medicine, but the next step wasn't clear until I realized what I'm the most interested in... and so Ladies and Gentlemen (although I don't think I have any male readers) I'm pretty (like 87%) sure that I am going to take the route of an Endocrinologist, and I am pretty excited about that. 

So as of now, here is the Sandi timeline of events:

Now - 2013: Pre-clerkship classes and the first step of the boards

2013 - 2015: Finish PhD

2015 - 2017: Clerkships/Graduate with DO in May

2017 - 2020: Internal Medicine Residency

2020 - 2022: Fellowship in Endocrinology

In 2022 I will be 36. That is when I will be all finished with my "training"

Wow... this just got a little depressing! Here, maybe I should add some other things to the time line to make things look a bit better.

Now - 2013: Pre-clerkship classes and the first step of the boards

2013 - 2015: Finish PhD (we'll probably have all our undergraduate loans paid off by this time, so we'll start saving money for that house we'll buy down the road...)

2015 - 2017: Clerkships/Graduate with DO in May

Move back in with Sterling... start making babies like we're rabbits

2017 - 2020: Internal Medicine Residency (hopefully in an Army hospital in Germany or Italy!)

2020 - 2022: Fellowship in Endocrinology (back in the US at either a well funded Army Research Hospital or any plain old Research Hospital)

Buy a house and finally nest :)

Cure diseases

Win Nobel Prize

Retire and open up a doggie day care

Now, I'm not sure if things will go exactly like that, but I'm hoping they follow that general pattern. If I had things my way, I'd start popping babies out sooner. If Sterling is able to come back here at all before I graduate that is probably what will happen :)

Then I'll finally have my own kid to crochet for instead of this adorable little thing (my friend's baby Kinley)

I mean, every baby needs a pumpkin hat in October!

Touch

This may be an awkward thing to say... but I'm just gonna come straight out and say it.

I miss being touched. I miss being held. I all in all just miss physical contact.

I don't really have people that just hug me. So on a day to day basis, I am rarely touched. And that may be normal for you, but when you get used to it and then it goes away, you start to miss it quite a lot. I need more hugs in my life.

With that said, Sterling is coming up in little over a week for a long weekend. I'm sure we'll be doing plenty of "touching" while he's here ;)

Back on track (ish)

As a follow up to my last post, I just wanted to thank all of you for your love and your prayers.

Things are looking up. I spent my last week working really hard to keep on top of things AND get into the lab. It wasn't easy, I mean a full load of med school credits and 3-4 hours in the lab a day really made me get my act together.

But I got a 92% on my exam today, so I am sure that it paid off.

I still miss Sterling, more than words can describe, but keeping busy is making time go faster and that is what I need more than anything.

And even though school has kept me busy, I made time last week to do things that I enjoy, such as hang out with friends, go to football games, watch Sex and the City, and crochet. Amazing.

So all in all, life is better and I am grateful for your part in that :)

If it was easy, everyone would do it.

This last week has been a trying week.

First of all, I'm back to classes and I am taking a lot of basic sciences. I am trying not to be over confident (I mean, I've got a pretty good background in science...) and stay up to date with the material. Here's the thing about medical school, the content is not hard, it is the massive amount of work expected of you.

I'm also trying to stay connected with my research lab. I did a very poor job of that over the summer and I need to actually do some work this semester. It's hard balancing two different lives: medical student and graduate student.

Oh, and then there is that third life: Army wife. I think that is the hardest one to balance.

At first, Sterling being gone wasn't that bad. I mean, I've kept busy and it's made time fly. Then he visited and I had to say goodbye, again. That's the hard part, saying goodbye over and over again. I have days that fly by so quickly that it doesn't seem like he's gone. But then there are days, like this week, where I can't stop thinking about him. It sounds slightly pathetic, but I miss my husband.  I miss my husband so much that it makes me nauseous. The thing is, I don't get to see him again until December, so there isn't much I can do about the aching. Then on the first of January he starts Ranger school. Guess who doesn't get to have a cell phone during ranger school? Guess who is in ranger school for AT LEAST 3 months? That's a long time to not talk to your husband.

I'm dreading it. I know that I have the rest of September, October, November and December until it happens, but it haunts my thoughts and keeps me up at night.

And I can't focus. I'm working on two doctorate degrees and I can't focus. I can't stop thinking about the 3 months of no communication with my husband, I can't stop thinking of the future deployment(s) where he'll be gone for 6-9 months, I can't stop thinking that I will not get to live with my husband again for another 6 years.

6 years. 6 freaking years.

It's hard to make friends in medical school. Everyone is too busy studying. I mean, I have friends, but not friends that I feel comfortable breaking down and explaining this gut wrenching dread I am dealing with right now. I'm too busy studying to see my best friends from undergrad, who sadly I am growing apart from. Here's the other thing... unless you're in medical school, you don't really get the commitment. And unless you have a husband in the armed forces who is gone, you don't really get the commitment. You can sympathize all you want, but you don't get it.

I feel like the only one I have is 6 years away.

In the past, I would have let this overwhelming sadness take over me and sink into some sort of depression... I'm too busy for that now. And I'm too dedicated. I will finish my DO/PhD program and my marriage will survive this struggle.

God loves me and would not make me suffer without reason.

So I am asking those of you out in blog world to do me a favor and pray for me to stay strong during these trying times. I know I am just fingertips away from slipping into a bad place and it scares me. I'm really sorry about the sad "woe is me" blog post, but I miss having people who know me around and know what's going on in my life.

A lame post from a sort of lame person.

Wow. It has been such a long time since I last updated.

I've finished my first semester of medical school and let me just say, it was a doozie. I definitely had to get used to a whole different style of teaching, studying, and learning. I passed and really I feel like that is an accomplishment, however, I feel that I am more ready for my next semester and the rest of med school.

Sterling got to come up and visit for a couple weeks. It was so great to see him. I can't explain how wonderful it was to spend time with him. However, it was also difficult. He had nothing to do and grew bored really fast and was ready to get started with his next set of training and I of course was busy with school. We had a great time together, but I could tell he was ready to go, which was kind of heartbreaking, but I can totally understand. He told me he was ready to go, but he wasn't ready to leave me again. So now he is in Fort Benning, Georgia and I will be with him again in December. I already can't wait.

Other than that, I've just been working on school. I am sorry I don't have anything more interesting to talk about. I'm kind of all sorts of boring now.

However, I did get a pretty sweet new tattoo.

Dut dut out.

5, 6, 5678. Dut dut out. (It's a guard thing)

Sorry about the lack of posting. Can I just say that life is crazy? I mean, it's JULY.

A little over a month ago I had to say goodbye to my best friend, my husband. It was hard. It was painful. It sucked more than you can imagine. So how am I doing now?

... surprisingly okay. Time is flying. I have my moments where I just want to feel his touch. I just want to get a hug or be spooned, but that is only natural. It's hard, but with each day apart, I am growing more and more confident that we CAN do this. We have to.

So, I started medical school. It's kind of hard, who'd have thought? And then the whole second doctoral degree on top of that makes it no easy endeavor. But man oh man do I thrive in the chaos. I'm on top of my game right now and I love it. I love going to bed knowing that I am one day closer to being a doctor. It's an amazing feeling. I can honestly say that I feel like I am right where I belong now, even though Sterling is not with me.

God is good :) He hasn't given us anything we can't handle.

I'm really optimistic right now... I'll have to bookmark this post so that in future days of stress I can return to it and remember that God is good. So good.

And with that, I need to write a review article and study for Anatomy. Haha, happy 4th!