Long overdue update

I guess I am a once a month blogger. 

Whenever I think about posting something, I feel like I have way too much and I don't know where to start so I put it off until later. Sounds like how my school work goes...

So here is a long overdue update on my life. I'm sorry if it sounds repetitive, but my life is pretty stagnant right now. Also... this is really long. Feel free to skim.

First topic: Sterling/Ranger School

Well, I just finished reading my last post which stated how Sterling was rocking Ranger School and he was almost done. Oh, how I should have knocked on wood. No fault of his own, Sterling did not pass the last phase of Ranger School. He had told me before that he would be able to call the Sunday before his graduation date (the 2nd of March) to let me know for sure, and that no news, was good news. Well that Sunday I didn't receive a call from him. You can only imagine my excitement. I had my flight booked, I had hotel/rental car plans with his family. I got it cleared by the dean to miss an exam that week. It was all planned out. It was going to be PERFECT timing too... His graduation date fell on the Friday before my Spring Break. So although I'd miss the exam that was on that Friday, I wouldn't be missing any classes or labs or any other exams. 

Then I got the call on Monday morning. I had just gotten done taking a ridiculously hard physiology exam which I worked my butt of studying for, but didn't do too hot on. I was not in a good place. At this point I was so worn down on school that my mini vacation with Sterling was absolutely NEEDED. When he called and told me he didn't pass, I thought he was joking. I even said "You're joking, right?" I can only imagine now, how much more worse that made him feel. After he confirmed it, I instantly started to bawl. I couldn't stop and I was an awful wife for being so unsupportive. I mean, yeah, it sucks for me, but I'm not the one who is going through all this crazy training... not sleeping, barely eating, a ton of physical/mental work... I've felt so awful about my reaction since it happened. Thankfully I have an amazingly strong husband. 

The week that followed, I got to talk to Sterling almost every night. Only for about ten minutes each time... but considering that I had only had 2 conversations with him so far this year, ten minutes every day for a week is pretty outstanding. I can't tell you what that alone did for my well being. I had a lazy spring break, but I still felt re-motivated and ready to get through this next month until I get to see him. 

With that said, Sterling said he'd either call today or tomorrow to let me know if he has graduated. I haven't bought flight tickets, I haven't worked out with the dean when I'll make up my two exams and lab. I haven't prepared at all... I don't know if I can take another blow like last time. I'm so ready to see Sterling. It's been 3 months. But if he has to go through this phase again, I will support him through it.

My husband is such an amazing man. Not only is he going through this incredibly hard situation, but he has turned it into something great. The first day after he called me he wound up sharing the gospel with one of his friends who also didn't pass the last phase. Mid-way through his week off, he organized and led a mini bible study. He wrote to me in a letter that although it's terrible not getting to see me for another month, if he can save just one person's life by getting this chance to share God's word with him, it's worth it. It makes me love and appreciate him even more than I already did. This may sound hard to believe, but although I have yet to be with my husband in 2012, and I've probably only talked to him for a total of an hour, our relationship has gotten about ten times stronger. I've also learned things about myself that were surprising. This whole experience has made me more positive then ever that I am with the person I am supposed to be with and that we will have a long and wonderful marriage. And that, is very comforting. 

Second topic: Medical School

Oh medical school. How I love/hate you.

So in the last few weeks I gave male and female exams. Stuck my fingers in a few interesting places...

I finished one of my classes (physiology) and did pretty well. Started a new class (pathology) and have no idea what's going on in it as I haven't watched barely any of the lectures. I'm in neuroscience right now which I've been rocking (test wise) and I have a lab practical tomorrow which is what I am procrastinating studying... And then there is microbiology.

Freaking microbiology. Let me just say, that I actually really used to like micro. I found it interesting, I was good at it, etc. However, this class has been one of the biggest challenges. The one thing I hate about some of my courses is how they write their freaking exams. Now, I can appreciate that we need to know the different bacteria that cause different infections. I do not, however, need to know every minute detail about said bacteria, nor do I think that we should be examined over that. Oh, but we were and I have been on the struggle bus with that. Major time. 

I could go on... but I'll spare you.

Right now, I feel like I am about 2 weeks behind where I should be. Thankfully, everyone feels that way though. The thing that is going to be hard is if I do get to go and visit Sterling this week. I would be leaving on Thursday, missing 3 hours of lecture that day, missing an exam on Friday, missing another 3 hours of lecture on Monday, 4 hours on Tuesday (plus a 2 hour lab), and an exam and 2 hours of lecture on Wednesday. I'll probably come home on Thursday. Then we have a wonderful micro exam that next Monday...

That is going to be hard to work through. But hopefully once I know if I am going or not, I can study like crazy before I leave and not be behind before I leave. We'll see how it goes.

If for some reason Sterling does not graduate however, I'll have to miss my final exams and I'm not so sure I will be able to swing that... So we're really hoping that he graduates!

Other than that... all I do is study. I'm so cool.

Third topic: Running

I have FINALLY gotten back into the running grind. I've figured out that I'm a morning runner. As crazy as it sounds, that's about the only time I can really motivate myself to run. Last week I started just about everyday off with a 3 or 4 mile run and from that alone I could see a difference in my productivity for the day. I ruined it all by going home and drinking/eating a ton this weekend... but that's okay, I'll just run more this week :)

I signed up for a 3 race series that I am pretty excited about. I am doing a 5 miler in April, a 10K in June and then my half marathon in August. It's been my goal for a while to do a half, so I am excited that I am on track to run one.

Fourth topic: Random?

I think I have hit just about everything important. I'll be sure to update on whether or not I DO get to go and see Sterling this week. Even though it will be a lot of work, it will be SO worth it. I cannot wait to love on that man and to just be with him for a few days. 

And now... it's time to stop procrastinating!

Updates and Lent

First of all... I apologize for not posting anything for a month. I know I don't have too many followers, but for those few of you out there, I'm sorry.

I've been pretty busy though. This semester of medical school has been very trying. I'm not sure if it is because I haven't been working hard enough or because I'm dealing with the added stress of not being able to communicate with my best friend/husband. Whatever the case is, it's been a crazy month of studying. However, I am starting to learn things that are making me more "doctorish" which is pretty wonderful feeling. It's nice to know that all this work is paying off.

I'd like to start with an update on Sterling (for those of you who are curious as to how he is doing in Ranger School). So first of all, Ranger School is HARD. And my boy is kicking it's ass :) There are basically three "phases:" Benning Phase (in GA), Mountain Phase (in GA) and then the Florida Phase (in FL duh...). Between the Benning and Mountain Phase, he had an 8 hour break where he got to go home, do laundry, eat some food, etc. He called me and we skyped :) It was WONDERFUL. Except I nearly lost it when I saw him, because during the Benning Phase he lost 10 pounds. For those of you who know Sterling, he isn't that big, so that is a lot of weight for him.

When he finished the Mountain Phase, I expected the same thing. However, they did not get to go home and I got a 5 minute call from a pay phone, during which I bawled the entire time. During the Mountain Phase he lost another 12 pounds. He must be a skeleton. He informed me though, that he was on track to graduate with honors and he may be one of the top guys in his class. This is amazing... 50% of people who enter Ranger School don't even pass it, so for him to not only pass, but to pass with honors is a pretty big deal.

He is now in the Florida phase and has a little less than 2 weeks left. I've gotten letters from him which are mainly about food and sleep. He told me in his last letter how when they all received their care packages they gorged themselves on candy and it was like a scene straight out of "Heavyweights" when they find all the confiscated candy. That made me chuckle :) He thinks they are going to try to fatten them up a bit before the families come for graduation, which makes me glad. I'm pretty sure I'd loose it if I saw Skeletor Sterling.

All in all, my husband is awesome and he is kicking ass. Like he always does :)

As for me... I've done better. This semester is just kicking my ass. Don't get me wrong, I'm passing everything, but I really thought I'd be doing better than what I am. I am distracted and it sucks. A lot of my distraction comes from the internet.

Oh internet... why must you be so damn distracting?

So for lent, I'm going to do my best to prioritize my time better. I'd love to say that I'm giving up facebook for lent, but I communicate so much through fb that I don't think that would be the best idea. However, I am going to limit myself on how much I am online. It's sad that I have to do this, but it's really a good thing. Not only will I give myself more time to study, but I will also have more time to do my daily bible readings, which is something I need to put more time into. That is what lent is all about right? Not just giving something up to give it up, but to stop doing something so that you have more time to focus on what's important... God.

It's going to be hard, but I know I can do it.

And with that... I'm going to get off this blog and get some studying done for neuroscience.

Hard times

I just skimmed through my last post, and although my life is still good... it's been a hard week or so. When I hit week two of no communication with Sterling, I kind of lost it a bit. It was hard for me to even talk about him without tearing up a bit.

And then I made a HUGE mistake. I drank a (few) glass(es) of wine on Friday night and basically lost it. I can honestly say that is the first time I have cried myself to sleep since he has been gone. I feel like that was my low, and I'm better for hitting it. I mean, everyone needs a good cry here and there, right? I'm still missing Sterling like crazy, but I'm making myself be busy with everything else so that I don't think about it. And boy am I busy!!!

Med school is hard. Med school + Lab work for my PhD program = super hard.

I'm am more and more convinced (with every day of med school) that God didn't put me here just because he wants me to be an awesome doctor someday, but rather, I am where I am so that I can get through this separation.

Sorry if I'm bumming you out... I feel like I talk about the same thing every time I post. Sterling. Ohhhh but I love him :)

You should send some good thoughts my way, I'm starting my "Get up at 5am and Workout" routine tomorrow. We will see how this goes.

Life is good

Although I haven't talked to Sterling in 5 days (and I won't get to talk to him for another 15 or so...) life has been so good to me the past few days, and let me tell you why: amazing people


Last week after Sterling left, I was having a very hard time motivating myself to do anything but sit around, eat Christmas candy, and knit. I started feeling sorry for myself. Did I mention I've been alone in my house since he left? Yeah, not a good combination. However, after the AMAZING MSU bowl game, I called my dearest friend, Carolyn Soule (because I still can't call her Carolyn Bellingar). We talked for an hour and probably could have kept going. Man I miss that girl like crazy. Then, I got to skype with another great friend Liz Mussell. I haven't seen either of these girls in such a long time, but I absolutely love how we can pick up the phone (or the computer) and just catch up like there isn't a gajillion miles between us (Carolyn lives in Escanaba and Liz lives in Wyoming) and like we've been talking to each other every day rather than every month or so. I cherish these girls and the impact they still have on my life.

After a wonderful night catching up with those two, I spent an evening with the wonderful Britton Smith, one of the people in my lifegroup at church here in Lansing. I haven't used her (or the other in my group) enough for company while Sterling has been away, but they are always so supportive. It's so good to know I have such a great support system here in Lansing.

And then, HIGHLIGHT of my week, Ms. Alicia Trudeau otherwise known as Mrs. Alicia Lewan calls me up! Alicia got married last December (the last time I saw her in person) and then spent a year in Africa. Though we did get to chat here and there it had been way too long since I had seen or talked to her. We had a very brief phone call and set up a dinner date. Also invited to the dinner date was the fabulous Andrea Miller, whom I also haven't seen since she got married this past May. I lived with both of these girls my last year at Central and we were all engaged at the same time. They both helped me raise Hank and are officially his Aunts... We closed down the restaurant we were at because we had so much to catch up on.

All of this in one week. AMAZING. Just when I was starting to get really down, God reminded me of the amazing support I have here. Not only did he do this, but he also gave me the opportunity to be more "pre-occupied" while Sterling is away, once again, let me explain...

At MSUCOM (my medical school) we have a student run OMM (Osteopathic Manipulative Medicine... kind of like what chiropractors do) Clinic. We got an email asking who was interested and because there were so many people, it went to lottery. I was one of the lucky (ten) people who got chosen. This will look SO good on my CV. I will get patient contact and learn more OMM, that I can practice on all of you :) Not only am I doing the Student OMM Clinic this semester, I also joined our Scribes group which pays people to take (really awesomely good) notes so that people don't need to go to lecture. So both of these extracurriculars, plus the 20 credits I'm taking, plus lab work, plus my dog, plus training for a half marathon will keep me super busy and hopefully make time fly.

I just feel so hopeful right now.

And on that super positive note, I am going to go and finish knitting this little number :)

Currents...

Thoughts: 

I don't want to clean my house... but it really needs it and I should get it done before my roommate comes home and before the semester starts. It felt like I'd have a ton of time to wrap up all the little things I need to do before school starts, but now I've only got a couple days!!!

Blessings: 

Caffeine in the form of coffee and tea. This break has given me the chance to sleep like no other, but now I can't wake up! I'm definitely thinking about one of those tumbling alarm clocks to get my butt out of bed.

My FREE gym membership. I haven't put it to use as much as I should, but I plan on getting back on the gym bandwagon. 

My friends and family. Right now life is hard. Sterling is gone and I haven't talked to him for the past 4 days and it's already wearing on me. However, I have an amazing support system and I couldn't be more grateful!

My dog. I love Hank. As annoying and rambunctious as he can be, he is the best gift Sterling ever gave me. He keeps me company and keeps me going which is always a good thing. And he is the perfect snuggle buddy!

Struggles: 

Getting to the gym. Already said it!

Being ORGANIZED (however this is one of my resolutions so I plan on getting better about it!). I feel like I have gotten nothing done over break because I'm just sitting around knitting... but really that's not TOO bad.

Projects: 

Right now, I really don't have anything going on that I HAVE to get done. It's nice to just knit things that I want to knit. I've been on a hat kick for a while and in case you didn't see them on my facebook, you should probably go and check em out... I've made some pretty nifty hats lately!

I've also gotten my sewing machine out to try a few things here and there. I still need to make my thermal curtains for my room, and someday I'll get to it...

Favorites: 

Tea. Right now I'm loving tea. Especially after my friend showed me how to make looseleaf tea with my french press. Excited? Oh yeah.

I'm also loving that I've been talking to all of my good friends from CMU lately that I haven't seen in forever. 

My other favorite things are the sweaters that Sterling left behind. They don't smell like him anymore though so part of me is tempted to go out and buy a small thing of the cologne he wears so I can spray them with it. Desperate much??

Desires: 

For it to REALLY snow! This winter has been so lame! I don't really enjoy being cold, but I miss the snow. Plus the muddy-ness is getting really annoying. I feel like I am constantly cleaning up after my dog after he comes in from outside. 

A fireplace. I miss our fireplace so much... someday I can't wait to have a house that has one so that I can always be warm!

This will probably sound pretty corny, but I really want something of Sterling's (now that his sweaters don't smell like him they have lost their value!). Everything in this house is mine. I don't see Sterling in it anywhere, except the pictures and I can't bring them around with me wherever I go. Lame, but true.

In other news... go MSU! Freaking yeah amazing team!

Also, I've started back working in the lab. I've only been going in here and there because of the other things I need to get done, but it has been so good. I miss working in the lab. I always say it... but I really want to try to be more organized with my time so I can actually get in there during the week and do work. It is relaxing and quite therapeutic. When I am there I know I am where I am supposed to be. Corny? Yes! Awesome? Also yes!

And with that I am going to go and clean my house so that when ALICIA comes, she won't be disappointed in me :) and when Emaly gets home she won't feel like she needs to clean anything and she can relax. I may even get some lab time in!

Resolutions

Now that I don't have a husband to talk to, I'll probably blog more. As I'm sitting here I keep thinking of all the things I want to do for "resolutions" this year, so I thought it would be a good idea to write it down to come back to.

1. Run a half marathon. I know I can do this... physically. It's just the motivation part that I seem to lack. However, I made a promise to my husband that I will run one this year and I plan on doing just that.

2. Be more organized. I think I have said this before, but in medical school, your time is really your own. I want to start this semester more organized and use my time wisely rather than the way I have been.

3. Cook more. I got lazy and stopped cooking for myself. I am normally a pretty healthy eater when I plan out and cook my meals, but I haven't been doing that. Also, I have a huge freezer that I can freeze meals in... so let's get to it.

4. Walk my dog more. Ever since we started taking Hank to daycare, I've let that become his main source of exercise. One of my goals this year is to take him for more walks and discover more of downtown Lansing.

5. Be more social. I kind of gave up on hanging out with people this last year. I used school as an excuse a lot, but if I am more organized I can definitely squeeze in more people time which is something I definitely need to do.

Those are the top 5 I can think of. Of course I have a couple smaller ones here and there, but I can't really remember them off the top of my head. And now I am going to go and knit this hat (in a heathered pink color) and make this soup (butternut squash):

End of the year post!

Wow, it has been quite some time since I've updated. But really, the end of November and most of December are a blur. Mostly because all I was doing was studying and knitting and anxiously awaiting the arrival of my husband for his Christmas visit. The studying and knitting stuff was quite boring, other than the fact that I've actually been making money knitting/crocheting (awesome). 

The visit from the husband? Awesome, of course. I've gotten so used to him being gone that it's almost weird when he visits now. How sad is that? We had our own little family Christmas this year. We came up with some new traditions, such as: Making a gingerbread house (out of real gingerbread of course) with a barrel full of monkeys (inside joke...), going to look at Christmas lights after the Christmas Eve service at church, opening pajamas on Christmas Eve and watching Christmas Vacation :) 

Because we were on budget Christmas, our presents were kind of lame. Especially Sterlings... I feel bad, but since he starts Ranger School on the 1st, he'd be unable to take anything he got with him and how much of a bummer would that be? So he mainly got money and stuff he needed for Ranger School (such as warm socks!)

With that said, he left a couple days ago and I've been absolutely pathetic. I didn't get out of bed until 2pm today. So lame... but without school as a distraction, it's hard to make myself go and do anything productive. I was seriously contemplating boycotting New Years this year as I am really not looking forward to 2012. We start it off with Ranger School on the 1st. It will be AT LEAST 60 days long and I'll only get to talk to Sterling once every 3 weeks. I will most likely be heading down to Georgia for my spring break and Sterling's Ranger school graduation in March, then he will be off to Airborne school (jumping out of planes? Crazy). After Airborne he will head to Ft. Campbell where he will finally meet up with his unit. He has informed me that his unit will most likely be deploying this summer/fall. Deployments are typically 9 months and with him being in the infantry, contact will be pretty slim as he'll be out in the field a lot. So in a nutshell, 2012 will suck. I will be away from/not in contact with my husband more than I will be with him/able to talk to him.

Sorry about the pity party. And don't worry, although I was all for boycotting New Years, I'll be spending it with my brother and sister in law, probably drinking massive amounts of wine. I'm okay with it. It is what it is.

I'll be honest, what prompted me to blog was the survey that Alex did... so without further adieu, the end of the year questionnaire!

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?

Knit! I've always wanted to learn, but I was never able to make myself sit down and do it... and now it is my favorite thing! 

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don't even remember if I made resolutions... so therefore I probably won't be keeping them. I will be making some for this next year, the biggest is to run a marathon this year. Seems impossible now, but I know I can do it.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
The post-doc in my lab just recently had a baby boy. Also, some good friends in my lifegroup had a beautiful baby girl in the spring. There have been a lot of pregnancies that will result in 2012 babies that I am oh-so-excited about!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not this year, thank goodness

5. Where did you travel to?
In the spring and summer I traveled all over Michigan for some weddings that I was in. Other than that, I traveled to Georgia to visit Sterling this past November.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
A schedule. Medical school is weird in that you can do basically everything from home if you want... but I am so terrible at managing my own time that I NEED a schedule. 

I also need to have a steady workout schedule. I was so horrible about this in 2011, especially after Sterling left. In addition to working out more, I need to be in contact with friends more. I spent too much of 2011 sad and lonely because I refused to reach out. No more of this!

7. What events from 2011 stand out the most to you?
Carolyn and Andrea's wedding, Sterling graduating and leaving in May, all the visits, my white coat ceremony

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting through it! This has been the biggest year of change... and hard change. Adjusting to being a military wife and starting medical school is a huge achievement if I do say so myself.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Getting awesome grades... I passed my classes, but I could have done better. Also eating healthy and exercising (at least as much as I used to)

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I was so fortunate in that I did NOT have any illnesses or injuries... with the exception of the cold that I got last week. Suckfest.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My newest tattoo. I love it so much :)

12. What person helped you most in 2011?
Probably my sister in law, Abbi. When I had my mental breakdowns, she was the one I always called. Also my lifegroup has been an amazing source of comfort for me the past year.

13. What discoveries did you make in 2011?
That not having a roommate that works out/eats healthy makes me not do either of those things. Medical school is hard (and very similar to being in high school again). That being an Army wife kind of sucks. That I can sell my knitted items for cash money (made almost $200 this year :).

14. Where did most of your money go?
Student loans. We are working like crazy to get them paid off before I graduate from MSU so we have no debt when I am finished with school.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Any time I got to see my husband.

16. What were some of the hardships in 2011?
Having my best friend/husband live in Kentucky and Georgia for over half the year. Sorry... this is a common theme in 2011.

17. How have you grown since this time last year?
I've learned that although I hate it, I can be okay without seeing and talking to Sterling for long periods of time. So I guess I would call that independence?

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
I wish I would have spent more time with friends/people. I spent way too much time by myself this past year!

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Being distracted by the computer... needlessly

20. How did you spend the holidays?
I honestly can't remember most of them... This is why I should blog more, for my own sake. I already talked about Christmas. Thanksgiving was with both families and really weird because it was the first real holiday without Sterling. The fourth of July was at my parents as usual for their huge hick bonfire/illegal fireworks show. Easter we had dinner at both families then shot guns out at my parents farm (another hick tradition). Halloween I stayed home and passed out halloween candy. We didn't really do anything for Valentines day... and I can't remember what we did for New Years.

21. Did you fall in love in 2011?
Not really... 

22. What was your favorite TV show?
Dexter, Mad Men, How I met your mother

23. Other favorites from 2011?
My new house, my new computer, knitting, oreo balls, and a lot of other food that is NOT good for me...

24. What was the best book you read?
 My brother in law got me hooked on the Game of Thrones series. I also will always love the Wheel of Time series.

25. The hobby you spent the most time on?
Definitely knitting.

26. What did you want and get?
Haha the only thing I can think of is the new winter coat I got for Christmas. It's freaking amazing and the warmest coat in the history of coats. 

27. What did you want and not get?
I really wanted Sterling to bring up some Army swag so I could put it all over my car and stuff and brag about him... he said not yet, not until he is a Ranger. Weirdo.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
I really, really enjoyed The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
On my real birthday I studied, because I had an exam the next day. Boo. On the weekend of my birthday I went to the Whiskey Barrel and drank entirely too much and rode a mechanical bull. I turned 25... so old.  

30. What is your favorite quote from 2011?
Have love, give love

If it was easy, everyone would do it

31. How would you describe your personal fashion in 2011?
So lazy. Medical school makes you a lazy slob when it comes to fashion. Let's just say that lots of scrubs, yoga pants, and sweats were worn in 2011.

32. What kept you sane?
My husband, Hank, caffeine, candy, knitting

33. What was your occupation in 2011?
Student

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Healthcare. Also, they almost passed a bill that would cut funding to residency programs which would make it harder for this girl to someday get a job... thank goodness it didn't go through

35. Who did you miss?
So many people. All of my friends from CMU, old roomies, guard girls, dance girls, etc

36. Who was the best new person you met?
My class in med school is awesome. There are so many cool people that I am excited to get to know better :)

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011?
If you want to see change in yourself, you have to change

38. Who lives in your home with you this year?
My roommate Emaly, my dog Hank, her dog Abby and her cat Sid

39. What are your plans for this New Year’s Eve?
Hanging out with Adam and Leah and their dog Maddie (and Hank of course)

 

40. What are your plans for 2012?
Run more, study more, use my time wisely, love on my husband as much as I can, make money knitting, spend less time sitting and more time doing.