This is a rant.

I'm warning you for the second time... this is a rant

This rant is about people believing they deserve the world and then some. This is what our society tells us. I can't count the number of tv commercials that advertise along the lines of "you derserve _____" or "treat yourself to _______ because you earned it."

Am I saying that we shouldn't be rewarded for hard work? No.
Am I saying that people walk around thinking that the world owes them? Yes.

Most recently I am reminded of this behavior at medical school. I apologize if you're one of my classmates and I am describing you, but now you know how I feel about this situation...

MSUCOM does not "owe" us anything but the education that it promised. Yes, we are paying (ahem... you are paying) lot's of money for this education. Does this mean that the professors need to spoon feed us? Does this mean that we shouldn't have two exams on one day? Does this mean that we shouldn't have MANDATORY classes? Especially during the summer!

STOP COMPLAINING. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Med school is hard. Duh.
Yeah, medical school is hard. What were you expecting? It's hard so that it weeds out those people who are not fit to be doctors. I'm sorry if you think that MSUCOM should make things easier on us, but I don't think that. You are not owed this. You earn this.

I truly feel like medical school is a blessing. I'm not going to lie and say I never complain about it... but most of my complaints have to do with not wanting to study, not that I feel like my school is taking advantage of me in anyway. We get the chance to learn and do things that most people don't get to do. We get the chance to have an awesome career that is probably always going to be in demand. You have to work for this. You don't deserve it.

This is my rant. And now I'm done.

Eternal Perspective

I've mentioned before how even though I don't have time to spare, in my spare time I volunteer with a group from my church called Chaos. Chaos is aptly named because it is a group of middle school, or more specifically 7th and 8th grade boys and girls. I am the lifegroup leader of the 8th grade girls and I am continuously learning from them.

I don't know about you, but remembering my middle school years makes me want to cringe. How awkward was that time of life? I remember one time I wore overalls (they were cool... especially with one strap not buckled) and some person came up behind me and gave me this super wedgie. I mean, it's super funny now to think about, but at the time I was so embarrassed! But I feel like that was middle school. Embarrassing.

Now-a-days though, my girls have it rough. I feel like they talk about big life issues that I never would have faced when I was their age. Technology has definitely had a hand in it. It's sometimes hard for me to relate to them, but I just love on them as much as I can because some of them don't see that at school or home as much as they should.

I thought about stepping down this semester since I have so much school to worry about. 23+ credits, electives, board exams coming up, seminars, etc... But I am so glad that I didn't. As I said, I learn so much from these girls and this ministry that to give it up would cause me more stress right now I think. Even though it's chaotic, it's calming.

Lately I haven't been sleeping. I have been tired all day and lacking motivation. Yesterday was one of those days. I had barely studied all day and I just felt no motivation to get anything done. Days like this are detrimental during school because you get so behind. Currently I have about 8 lectures to catch up on and a lot of studying to do. I also have been lacking motivation to work out and all that extra eating I did during the holidays really caught up. So I put on my "fat jeans" (girls, you know what I'm talking about) which now fit just fine, and headed to Chaos last night feeling very defeated. I hadn't studied and I gained weight. Woe is me, let's have a pity party.

In Chaos, we're teaching the kids about the book of Phillipians which is quickly becoming one of my favorite books. In our lifegroups, we were discussing the eternal perspective that Paul has while he's writing this letter... I mean, the guy is in jail and is still super encouraging, loving, and motivated to share his love with his friends in Phillipi. I asked the girls what they thought eternal perspective means, or what it meant to them. They said it beautifully (paraphrasing): Don't worry about this world, it's not where we belong.

Gosh I love those girls for how smart they are.

Don't worry about this world. It is NOT where you belong. What does that even mean (I asked them)? And they replied with typical middle school things "When your parents tick you off...", "When you don't get to do what you want...", "When school is hard..." "...DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT!"

I know I totally did the punctuation wrong up there... not worried about it.

Anyway, I've been so stressed lately. About school, time, sleeping (especially sleeping), and most of the time I worry about my husband as well. I'm pretty good at keeping that worry under control, but when it all adds up, especially with a lack of sleep, I kind of lose it. I feel like being reminded to not worry about this world because this is not where I belong, is a message I needed to hear. I'm not of this world because I am with Christ. I am destined for Heaven and nothing I do here on earth will change that. That's a pretty awesome truth that I often forget, but is so relieving when I remember it.

This isn't to say that I'm going to stop worrying about all the things I've listed above. But hopefully when I do start to worry, I can find peace in knowing I'm not of this world and instead of getting discouraged, be encouraged to move on and deal with whatever is in front of me.

Currents...

You can tell I'm on break and I'm bored because I am posting two days in a row.

Thoughts: I wish I had time to re-read The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings books. I went and saw The Hobbit over break and I'm currently watching The Lord of the Rings and I just want to nerd out and read the books.
Also, I'm super psyched for the last Wheel of Time book to come out. Am I a nerd? Yes.

Blessings: Although I complain about my house, it's really quite homey and I am glad that I have that. It would stink to really hate where you live. I'm also so thankful for my Aunt Ruth, Uncle Greg and cousin Megahn who opened their home up to me for the past couple weeks. There have been a lot of changes at home lately which kept me from bringing Hank to either my parents or Sterling's parents houses and I really didn't have anywhere to stay back at home. They were so good to me and I am so thankful to have family reach out and help me when I needed it.

Struggles: Well. I haven't been great about exercising lately. I think I just kept telling myself that after the holidays I will get back on track (I feel like this happens every year) and now that the holidays are over, I really have no motivation. Except that I promised my husband I'd be in awesome shape when he gets home. And that makes me a little motivated. I just super hate running in the winter. Especially in Lansing where the sidewalks are awful (mine included)

Projects: I really don't have too many going on right now. I'm finishing up THE CUTEST little "monsters" for my niece and I think I am going to make one for my nephew as well.

I also have a few hats and things that I need to finish for family members. I kind of want to make myself some leg warmers as well :)

OH and I got a beautiful new sewing machine for Christmas:

So I am going to play around with that today and see what kind of damage I can do :)

Favorites: My darling puppy of course. And chamomile vanilla tea. And messages from my hubby :)

Desires: For my skin to not be so dry (damn eczema). To get this semester over with and to see my husband sooner!

Hello 2013!

Once again, I find myself starting the blog back up after a long hiatus. Sometimes I think I am too lazy to keep this thing up, but then I always enjoy reading up on my other friends' blogs in order to feel somewhat up to date on their lives. So I'll make it a "resolution" to try harder this time.

Let's recap 2012.
Right after Christmas, my stud husband left for Ft. Benning, GA to start up Ranger School. I stayed in Lansing and worked on school. He graduated from Ranger School in March and up until that point, I mainly just worked on school (I lead a very interesting life). I went down and visited him in March and then we went our separate ways again until the end of the semester in May when he moved from Ft. Benning, GA to Ft. Campbell, KY. I finished my spring semester and was able to stay with him for about a week as he settled in. Oh, and Hank got to see his dad too :).
Moving to TN (right on the border near KY) was the most fabulous part of 2012 for me. Since it was only about a 9 hour drive, I spent a lot of the time in the summer semester driving down to visit my husband. I spent almost an entire month with him in August (though he spent most of that month traveling back and forth to Louisiana for training).
At the end of August, I started back up with school. Turns out that the second year of medical school is MUCH harder than the first year. I also took on a lot more responsibilities this past fall semester.

The classes = Neuromuscular System (5 credits), Gastrointestinal System (5 credits), Reproductive System (4 credits), Growth and Development (3 credits), Endocrine System (2 credits), Behavioral System (3 credits), and Osteopathic Manipulative Medicine (1 credit)

That's a total of 23 credits. Oh, and we also had to take a class where we basically shadowed/helped out in doctors offices for another credit. SO 24 credits last semester.

The electives = Student OMM Clinic (1 credit), SAAO elective (1 credit), TA for first year OMM lab (1 credit)

This year I've really discovered what I have an interest in as a future physician, and as you can see with my elective courses, it's centered around OMM.
For those of you who don't know what OMM is it stands for "Osteopathic Manipulative Medicine" it is also often called OMT (Osteopathic Manipulative Treatment). The simplest way to explain it is to compare it to what chiropractors do. But I think it also has a touch of physical therapy and maybe a slight dab of massage therapy. Basically manipulating your body to fix any dysfunctions whether they be skeletal, muscular, lymphatic, etc...
Along with learning new techniques, I've also been TAing for the first years and while it is quite the time commitment (4 hours every Tuesday afternoon) I really enjoy doing it, and I learn a lot.

Along with classes and electives, I have also started some extracurricular activities. First I do scribes... which is kind of a job (because I get paid for it). Basically just type out what is said in the lecture. It sounds simple but it takes forever. Also, in addition to just working in the student OMM clinic, I am also one of the coordinators... so I work more frequently.

My newest extracurricular though, that I really enjoy AND is the most time consuming is volunteering with a group called Chaos through my church. It's kind of like a bible study/hangout for 7th and 8th graders. It takes up a lot of my time (and energy some days) but I love doing something that ISN'T all about school. I love my 8th grade girls and its fun to hang out with them and teach/learn from them.

Okay, enough about school...

Sterling got to come and visit us here in Michigan for about 2 weeks in October which was awesome. Also hard... This past year has been hard for me to juggle a long distance relationship and school, but I've passed all my classes thus far and really, that's good enough for me!
I went and visited Sterling for almost 2 weeks at the beginning of November (again... school was put on the back burner) and saw him off for his first deployment mid-November. It was a sad day, but I feel like we were both prepared for it and I didn't cry as bad as I thought I would.

Since Sterling has been gone, we have gotten to talk a lot. Almost everyday. He can't really tell me what he's up to over there, but I understand. We have pretty dull conversations as I was either studying, or on break being an absolute bum. A month has already gone by and although I'm going to regret saying this later... deployment isn't as awful as I once thought it would be. It is hard, don't get me wrong, but I'm not sad and crying or depressed or anything like that. In fact I'm pretty normal. I think I'm a lot hardier than I thought I would be. I've barely cried and I've barely gotten upset about it. I am very thankful for being in school to help keep me busy and I am even more thankful for my amazing husband who takes care of me even though he is living in a different country.

In fact, I am pretty positive that I can say Sterling and I have gotten closer since he's joined the army and since he has deployed. I will be so happy the day he comes home to me, but I am also thankful for the trials our marriage has already gone through because I know that we can get through anything. He is awesome, we are awesome.

So how about the future?

This year is my last real year of "book work" type schooling. I finish classes sometime in May and then I am scheduled to take my first step of the board exams on July 1st. This exams covers the first 2 years of medical school so I'll have my hands full studying for that. After I PASS my boards, I will go back into the lab and finish my PhD. I am so excited to go back to that way of thinking and working. I'm so over medical schools "memorize and regurgitate" attitude and I'm ready to problem solve and DO things. While I am working on my PhD research, I'll also be working a day or two in the hospital to slowly chug away at my clerkship rotations (which are what typical med students do their last two years of school) so that when I finish my PhD, I'll just have to finish whatever is left over.

Right now I am on track to graduate in May of 2017... I think. But it may take longer than that. Boo.

Sterling should get back from his little vacay in August. He mentioned something about getting home earlier, but I'm not holding my breath. After he gets back he'll be around Ft. Campbell for a while longer (which is awesome!). We will be taking a nice vacation when he gets back, and it will be awesome. After that, I'm not entirely sure where he is ending up. I am pretty sure he has to go out to Arizona to do some training eventually, but I like to focus on the now and try not to dwell about where my husband may be someday. Eventually (around 2016) he will get to come hang out with me again until I finish school. Then I have to do a residency (but at least I start getting paid!) and we will find a place to live and be a real married couple again.

Other than all that, not much has been going on except crafting, visiting family and friends, and being a bum...

Oh hey long lost blog!

My goodness has it been awhile!

I have the month of August (well most of it anyway...) off of school. What better time to update on my crazy life?

Obviously Sterling is done with Ranger School. I did get to go visit him and I passed all my classes in the spring, despite missing a week of class. We got a week off in May before the summer classes started and I got to spend that whole time with him :). Sterling now lives in Clarksville, TN which is right outside of Ft. Campbell. I like TN. I could see us living here someday. This summer (or rather, May, June and July) I took about 14 credits, plus a writing course for my PhD program. It was pretty ridiculous... BUT I got to spend SO much time with Sterling. I've learned that driving 9 hours is totally worth an awesome weekend with your husband. Hank has even joined me on a few occasions.

I am currently in his apartment in TN. Since I have until the 27th of August off, I decided to pack up my car (literally my entire car... I couldn't leave behind my crafting tools!) and be a housewife for a month. Sterling got back from a training in Louisiana the night I got down here, just to get sent back a week later. So now, I am currently in TN, in my husbands apartment, with no husband. But he gets back on Friday, so no worries, I'll be getting some more hubby time in soon.

Originally, and I think I have said this before, Sterling was going to be deployed sometime in September. Well that's not the case anymore and let me tell you what a crazy ride this deployment issue has been.

First off, Sterling WANTS to be deployed. No, he doesn't want to leave me and Hank, but this is what he has spent the past year training for. The past couple of months he has been unsure of whether or not he'll even get to go (since they are pulling out and downsizing). He's been super stressed out about it and it has been a challenge to be supportive. I love Sterling, and I want him to get everything he wants out of life. Do I want him to be deployed? Absolutely not. Yet I still prayed for him to get a position that will allow him to go with his unit in November. So now, Sterling is back in Louisiana (for a week) to learn a whole new job so that he can get his deployment in.

That was confusing, I'm sure... Basically it boils down to this: Being a supportive army wife is hard.

I'm so jealous of everyone who has a normal life. Who isn't in school (at 25) and who isn't separated from their loved one (because of the stupid army). I can't wait to get to that point in life where we have NORMAL jobs and we have a house and we aren't living like college students (I'm currently on Sterling's air mattress... yeah, he doesn't have a bed).

If you're with the one you love, you give them a hug right now because you are so dang lucky.

I'll update more later. For now, this is what you get :)

Long overdue update

I guess I am a once a month blogger. 

Whenever I think about posting something, I feel like I have way too much and I don't know where to start so I put it off until later. Sounds like how my school work goes...

So here is a long overdue update on my life. I'm sorry if it sounds repetitive, but my life is pretty stagnant right now. Also... this is really long. Feel free to skim.

First topic: Sterling/Ranger School

Well, I just finished reading my last post which stated how Sterling was rocking Ranger School and he was almost done. Oh, how I should have knocked on wood. No fault of his own, Sterling did not pass the last phase of Ranger School. He had told me before that he would be able to call the Sunday before his graduation date (the 2nd of March) to let me know for sure, and that no news, was good news. Well that Sunday I didn't receive a call from him. You can only imagine my excitement. I had my flight booked, I had hotel/rental car plans with his family. I got it cleared by the dean to miss an exam that week. It was all planned out. It was going to be PERFECT timing too... His graduation date fell on the Friday before my Spring Break. So although I'd miss the exam that was on that Friday, I wouldn't be missing any classes or labs or any other exams. 

Then I got the call on Monday morning. I had just gotten done taking a ridiculously hard physiology exam which I worked my butt of studying for, but didn't do too hot on. I was not in a good place. At this point I was so worn down on school that my mini vacation with Sterling was absolutely NEEDED. When he called and told me he didn't pass, I thought he was joking. I even said "You're joking, right?" I can only imagine now, how much more worse that made him feel. After he confirmed it, I instantly started to bawl. I couldn't stop and I was an awful wife for being so unsupportive. I mean, yeah, it sucks for me, but I'm not the one who is going through all this crazy training... not sleeping, barely eating, a ton of physical/mental work... I've felt so awful about my reaction since it happened. Thankfully I have an amazingly strong husband. 

The week that followed, I got to talk to Sterling almost every night. Only for about ten minutes each time... but considering that I had only had 2 conversations with him so far this year, ten minutes every day for a week is pretty outstanding. I can't tell you what that alone did for my well being. I had a lazy spring break, but I still felt re-motivated and ready to get through this next month until I get to see him. 

With that said, Sterling said he'd either call today or tomorrow to let me know if he has graduated. I haven't bought flight tickets, I haven't worked out with the dean when I'll make up my two exams and lab. I haven't prepared at all... I don't know if I can take another blow like last time. I'm so ready to see Sterling. It's been 3 months. But if he has to go through this phase again, I will support him through it.

My husband is such an amazing man. Not only is he going through this incredibly hard situation, but he has turned it into something great. The first day after he called me he wound up sharing the gospel with one of his friends who also didn't pass the last phase. Mid-way through his week off, he organized and led a mini bible study. He wrote to me in a letter that although it's terrible not getting to see me for another month, if he can save just one person's life by getting this chance to share God's word with him, it's worth it. It makes me love and appreciate him even more than I already did. This may sound hard to believe, but although I have yet to be with my husband in 2012, and I've probably only talked to him for a total of an hour, our relationship has gotten about ten times stronger. I've also learned things about myself that were surprising. This whole experience has made me more positive then ever that I am with the person I am supposed to be with and that we will have a long and wonderful marriage. And that, is very comforting. 

Second topic: Medical School

Oh medical school. How I love/hate you.

So in the last few weeks I gave male and female exams. Stuck my fingers in a few interesting places...

I finished one of my classes (physiology) and did pretty well. Started a new class (pathology) and have no idea what's going on in it as I haven't watched barely any of the lectures. I'm in neuroscience right now which I've been rocking (test wise) and I have a lab practical tomorrow which is what I am procrastinating studying... And then there is microbiology.

Freaking microbiology. Let me just say, that I actually really used to like micro. I found it interesting, I was good at it, etc. However, this class has been one of the biggest challenges. The one thing I hate about some of my courses is how they write their freaking exams. Now, I can appreciate that we need to know the different bacteria that cause different infections. I do not, however, need to know every minute detail about said bacteria, nor do I think that we should be examined over that. Oh, but we were and I have been on the struggle bus with that. Major time. 

I could go on... but I'll spare you.

Right now, I feel like I am about 2 weeks behind where I should be. Thankfully, everyone feels that way though. The thing that is going to be hard is if I do get to go and visit Sterling this week. I would be leaving on Thursday, missing 3 hours of lecture that day, missing an exam on Friday, missing another 3 hours of lecture on Monday, 4 hours on Tuesday (plus a 2 hour lab), and an exam and 2 hours of lecture on Wednesday. I'll probably come home on Thursday. Then we have a wonderful micro exam that next Monday...

That is going to be hard to work through. But hopefully once I know if I am going or not, I can study like crazy before I leave and not be behind before I leave. We'll see how it goes.

If for some reason Sterling does not graduate however, I'll have to miss my final exams and I'm not so sure I will be able to swing that... So we're really hoping that he graduates!

Other than that... all I do is study. I'm so cool.

Third topic: Running

I have FINALLY gotten back into the running grind. I've figured out that I'm a morning runner. As crazy as it sounds, that's about the only time I can really motivate myself to run. Last week I started just about everyday off with a 3 or 4 mile run and from that alone I could see a difference in my productivity for the day. I ruined it all by going home and drinking/eating a ton this weekend... but that's okay, I'll just run more this week :)

I signed up for a 3 race series that I am pretty excited about. I am doing a 5 miler in April, a 10K in June and then my half marathon in August. It's been my goal for a while to do a half, so I am excited that I am on track to run one.

Fourth topic: Random?

I think I have hit just about everything important. I'll be sure to update on whether or not I DO get to go and see Sterling this week. Even though it will be a lot of work, it will be SO worth it. I cannot wait to love on that man and to just be with him for a few days. 

And now... it's time to stop procrastinating!

Updates and Lent

First of all... I apologize for not posting anything for a month. I know I don't have too many followers, but for those few of you out there, I'm sorry.

I've been pretty busy though. This semester of medical school has been very trying. I'm not sure if it is because I haven't been working hard enough or because I'm dealing with the added stress of not being able to communicate with my best friend/husband. Whatever the case is, it's been a crazy month of studying. However, I am starting to learn things that are making me more "doctorish" which is pretty wonderful feeling. It's nice to know that all this work is paying off.

I'd like to start with an update on Sterling (for those of you who are curious as to how he is doing in Ranger School). So first of all, Ranger School is HARD. And my boy is kicking it's ass :) There are basically three "phases:" Benning Phase (in GA), Mountain Phase (in GA) and then the Florida Phase (in FL duh...). Between the Benning and Mountain Phase, he had an 8 hour break where he got to go home, do laundry, eat some food, etc. He called me and we skyped :) It was WONDERFUL. Except I nearly lost it when I saw him, because during the Benning Phase he lost 10 pounds. For those of you who know Sterling, he isn't that big, so that is a lot of weight for him.

When he finished the Mountain Phase, I expected the same thing. However, they did not get to go home and I got a 5 minute call from a pay phone, during which I bawled the entire time. During the Mountain Phase he lost another 12 pounds. He must be a skeleton. He informed me though, that he was on track to graduate with honors and he may be one of the top guys in his class. This is amazing... 50% of people who enter Ranger School don't even pass it, so for him to not only pass, but to pass with honors is a pretty big deal.

He is now in the Florida phase and has a little less than 2 weeks left. I've gotten letters from him which are mainly about food and sleep. He told me in his last letter how when they all received their care packages they gorged themselves on candy and it was like a scene straight out of "Heavyweights" when they find all the confiscated candy. That made me chuckle :) He thinks they are going to try to fatten them up a bit before the families come for graduation, which makes me glad. I'm pretty sure I'd loose it if I saw Skeletor Sterling.

All in all, my husband is awesome and he is kicking ass. Like he always does :)

As for me... I've done better. This semester is just kicking my ass. Don't get me wrong, I'm passing everything, but I really thought I'd be doing better than what I am. I am distracted and it sucks. A lot of my distraction comes from the internet.

Oh internet... why must you be so damn distracting?

So for lent, I'm going to do my best to prioritize my time better. I'd love to say that I'm giving up facebook for lent, but I communicate so much through fb that I don't think that would be the best idea. However, I am going to limit myself on how much I am online. It's sad that I have to do this, but it's really a good thing. Not only will I give myself more time to study, but I will also have more time to do my daily bible readings, which is something I need to put more time into. That is what lent is all about right? Not just giving something up to give it up, but to stop doing something so that you have more time to focus on what's important... God.

It's going to be hard, but I know I can do it.

And with that... I'm going to get off this blog and get some studying done for neuroscience.